Today has been an uncommonly difficult day. There is no rhyme nor reason for it to be difficult; yet it is.
As I work at the funeral home I see families in one of two ways; 1) They are extremely compassionate towards one another. They hold each others hand as they make some very difficult decisions. They support each other as they decide how to remember their loved one in the best way they know possible or 2) I see them tear each other up over what they want. One child wants a large funeral; one child wants a cremation. They can't agree on the a casket, they can't agree on music, they don't want certain people at the service etc.
They say a funeral is not for the dead but for the living. It is a way for those left here to say goodbye and start to move on with their lives.
Breaking a relationship up either by divorce or simply breaking up is much like a funeral. Each person has to be decide how they will go on in life without their partner. There will be those who will stand by you and hold your hand and there will be those who refuse to ever talk to you again because they "feel" "think" or want to "believe" that you did something wrong to their loved one to hurt them.
As much as we want to believe our break up's are not our fault that is simply not true. A marriage or relationship is a two way street and a break up or divorce is also a two way street. Even if one spouse cheated on the other, there had to be underlying issues that caused this action. I know every woman out there just flipped her wig. But honestly ladies let's stop for a minute and think; if you cheated on your man there was a reason. Either he was not giving you the proper attention, he was not satisfying you at home (on lots of levels) or you were just unhappy. Well believe it or not men seek out affairs for the same reasons.
Many couples recover after one of them was unfaithful and go on to have very happy marriages. They do this because they are willing to forgive the other one for the affair. To be honest I am not sure I could trust them again, so if you can do this you are a much better person than I am.
Now in my most recent marriage, #3 wanted out of the marriage because it was not working for him. He was not getting what he wanted out of the relationship. He felt that 7 years was long enough to try and hope for something he wanted. But, we all know that did not happen, since he is gone. Did I agree with this? Hell, no. But what can you do, he wanted out and that was that. Of course everyone blames him for the break up and that is not necessarily true. If he had been getting what he wanted out of our marriage we would still be together. So yes I am at fault for part of the breakup and I am woman enough to admit it.
If I were to stop and think about, I did not get what I wanted out of the marriage either. I was not happy and had not been happy for several years. But, to me that was life. You deal with it and move on. I fell into a comfort pattern based on something he told me in the very beginning. He said that no matter how our marriage was he would never get divorced again. He said that if I wanted out of the marriage I would have to file for divorce because he would never do that again.
Boy did that simple statement come back and bite me in the butt, I believed him and never thought it would come to an end. But, unfortunately he had to be true to himself and in doing so he had to go back on that one promise. The one big problem I had was I did not know how to leave someone that I was in love with.
I talked to my spirit guide about it and he simply said that this was a lesson everyone needs to learn. People are not yours to hold onto you. When we love them, we tell ourselves that they belong to us and therefore can not do anything without our permission. He also reminded me that by loving someone you had to be willing to do what was best for them...not you. Basically, he was no help at all. He was suppose to say "Don't worry honey, we will take all this pain away and tomorrow you will not remember a thing."
So I am learning that what I want from life is happiness and to be content. I am learning that I do not need a spouse to have happiness or contentment in my life. That in order for me to be happy I have to figure that out on my own. 7 years ago I thought I knew exactly what I wanted in a spouse and I told him so. But, I found out that telling someone on the phone when you live 2 states away is one thing, living together and getting it is another thing. Life does not work out the way we want it to, we have to make life work out the way we want it to. It is a full time job that goes on 24/7. Everyday you have to decide before getting out of bed "What do I want out of life today?" and you go get it.
Monday's all I want out of life is an easy day and a Diet Pepsi. Tuesday through Saturday it depends on what I feel like. Sunday it much like Monday an easy relaxed day and a Diet Pepsi and I am happy. I do not wake up in the morning anymore asking the guides to find me someone to share my life with because at this point it is not important. However, wait until I have gone without sex for 6 months and we will see what I am asking for. I will be sure to write it out for you guys.
One of these posts will be about my guides views on people and their relationships. I will tell you that they are not very fond of them, they feel we waste a huge amount of our energy on trival things such as arguing. They are a hoot but I will save Z and the boys for another day.
Now go out and tell your friends and family that you love them and you are thrilled they are in your life. And if you have not planned your own funeral yet, do it now and save your family and the heartache of having to do it for you. Nobody knows what you want better than you.
Posted by
Cynthia