Introducing Franklin

Several months ago I created a post on my new family member, Franklin. As you know (if you read the post) Franklin is a hamster that I adopted from the dog pound. The last few weeks have been very active for Franklin, he went on his first of many road trips with me and is K9 brother and sister; his fish brother stayed with Auntie Phyllis since he has not moved since it got cold. Once on the road we discovered Franklin enjoys being out and about. So much so that he has taken to presenting himself to me on a regular basis now. Whereas, before the trip I think I saw him a total of 5 times. Since Franklin was becoming more of a show and tell kinda guy I decided that he needed a bigger condo. He was starting to entertain after all and he was ready to move up. So like any good hamster owner I started shopping around for a new pad for my little man. Let me start by telling you that hamster condo's are not cheap. They get rather pricey and the more "features" you add to them the higher the price goes. I was not finding anything I liked or thought was good enough for Franklin so I did what any well shopped gal does...I went to craigslist.com.

If you have not tried craigslist I highly suggest it, but let me warn you it can be very addictive. Craigslist is like a cyber garage sale similar to ebay, but unlike ebay you do not bid on the items. You simply email or call the seller tell them you want it and that is it. You go pick it up and take it home. On craigslist I found the perfect condo for Franklin, it was everything any single hamster today needs. It has tunnels, it has wheels, it has 2 water canisters and a self serve food dish. What rodent could ask for more. When I found the listing it was already 9pm but one thing I have discovered is that if you wait your item will be gone. So against all my southern upbringing (never call before 10 am Mon-Sat, noon on Sunday and never after 9pm) I called. I started off by profusley apologizing for calling so late and asked about the condo, Yes it was still available. I made arrangements to pick it up on Friday or Saturday, but alas he called me and Wednesday and said they would be home if I wanted to stop by. Since I was just getting out of class and on my way home I figured what the heck. So off to Rio Rancho I went. Now let me tell you for those who do not live here, Rio Rancho might as well be California as far as I am concerned. Unless I am going to my friend Jerry & John's house I have no idea where anything is and another thing it is freaking dark out there. But by the grace of the hamster god above I found the house and got the condo. YIIIIPPPPEEE.

I was going to wait until this weekend to move Franklin to his new abode but I was anxious. What if he did not like it? What if it was not enough space? The what if's were killing me. So I got it out and put it up. Getting Franklin out of his old space was difficult; he still has issues with you touching him, but I put him and tube he was hiding in into the new space and waited him out. He smelled food so it did not take long. He wandered around, checked out the new tunnel, climbed to the second level and them made the leap to his sleeping condo in the sky. He has worn himself out crawling all over his new place and of course he can't stay out of the wheel for 5 minutes before he is back in there. I don't think he ever played in his old wheel, except to sit in there and drive Tau crazy. But he runs until he literally falls asleep. I'm starting to think he may be addicted to the exercise wheel, like some crazy sports fanactic, he can't get enough.

I am happy to say that I think the new place will work out just fine for him. Hopefully he won't outgrow it anytime soon because I don't think I can afford anything bigger. He did want me to let you all know that he is having a Hamster House Warming Party and he is registered at Petco and Petsmart as well as Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel if you would like to send him a gift.

Raising Spirit Babies

Those of you who have been my friend longer than a day know that I am not the greatest fan of children. In fact many refer to me as the "avid child hater". Personally, I think this is a bit harsh...well okay not really but my attitude is changing. Don’t panic I am not about to announce that I am pregnant and having a baby. Please, I have dogs that only ask for food and water and I find that taxing how would I handle a baby? My brother Jeremiah and Rossland are about to welcome baby Jossiah Nadan DePaul in March and my friend Shelbra is about to welcome little Mason in April.

One thing I discovered by pure chance was that you could communicate with a baby's spirit before, during and after the birth process. I found this out with Baby Mason. Quietly during a dinner with his mom he came to me and gave me information to pass on. Which I did, but it dawned on me that a babies spirit is no different from an adults spirit. They are the same, they have the same information, same wants, same likes and dislikes. I was very surprised at the amount of information little Mason had to share. He was very adamant about what he wanted and did not want and how he wants this humanly life to be.

When my sister was about to give birth to my niece Danae, I had some serious concerns. The baby did not seem to want to be born, she was holding off and as we all know they either come out or we go in and take them out. Either way they can't live in-utero forever, even though it does feel like it. Bases on what happened with Mason, I called out to Danae's spirit and had a nice lengthy conversation with her. She had issues with the amount of fighting going on between her parents at the time. I assured her it did not have anything to do with them waiting her. I was impressed again with the knowledge and strength this spirit had. I had to remind myself that the body was a baby but the spirit was an intelligent being.

With each time, I connect with these unborn or newly born spirits I am given information on how they want their life to be. Each time I experience this; the guides give me more information on what to do and how to proceed. Tonight, my brother wrote me an email to thank me for the baby shower gift I sent them. He mentioned in it about my guides and that Rossland wants my guides to talk to her guides. When I wrote him back I told him about my experiences with Danae and what I found out, but more than that I passed on what I have heard other spirits tell me about what they expect out of their life here. So I am going to pass on my advice that was given to me by my guides and the baby spirits I have talked to.

Let me explain the process to you in steps.

1. A spirit on the other side will chose who their parents are going to be. This is based on many things and the spirit usually does not remember them as they grow up. But know that you did choose your family and you did so for a reason.

2. A baby spirit does not stay with the baby's body 100% of the time during pregnancy. Why? Well while the body is growing there is not a lot to do. They will go back and forth between this side and the other side. They will start to stay more as the pregnancy progresses. During this time they are getting to know their family. Every thing the mother experiences so does the baby. This means emotions, tastes, sounds, thoughts, etc. Usually during the birth process the baby spirit is not there, they are on the other side saying good by to their spirit family. The baby spirit can be there and will if there is something they need to learn from the process.

3. A baby spirit has anywhere from 1 year to 18 months to leave this dimension and return. Many times they come only for 1 lesson or to help another person with something. Either way the decision is theirs to make.

4. A baby is not stupid or dumb. One thing spirits tell me all the time is "We are not stupid. We know what’s going on and we can hear you." Don't talk to your children like they are animals or pets. They are living human beings that you created and they chose to come to you, treat them like the precious gifts they are. Their decision was no less difficult to make on coming here than yours was on having that baby.

5. Children are not small adults. Even though they are not stupid or dumb they are also not adults. Once the spirit enters the body, their memory of all things before starts slipping away. Have you ever heard someway say "He looks like a smart little old man" when they are looking in the nursery window? That is because that spirit still has his memory and intelligence with them. But that leaves and they have to learn it all over again. Your job as a parent of a spirit baby is to teach them everything they need to know so that when they are an adult they make good sound decisions.

6. Discipline is necessary but should not be hurtful. There is a saying among parents "This will hurt me more than it does you" and there is a saying among kids "Yeah, Right". In reality with a spirit baby it is true. If you are disciplining your child for a wrong doing it should hurt you as a parent. Because you are having to teach them a lesson and you want it to stay with them so they do not repeat the error. Discipline with spirit babies should never involve violence, hitting, swearing, humiliating, belittling or anything else harmful. Now days we know this, we see discipline taken too far and the child ends up dead or damaged. Discipline should never be done out of anger but out of love. Let me give you an example that was given to me when Joshua was a little boy. Think of someone that has some control over your life that is important to you. At this time in my life it was my boss, because if I went to work and they fired me my life would really be rough. Now envision that you went to that person to tell them something you thought was important or urgent. You open the door and before you could say anything this person yells at you and calls you stupid for interrupting them. How do you feel at this moment? Bad, small, like you want to crawl in a hole and cry. Now think about your child feeling this way. How do feel about that person the next day or a week later? Not much better, you probably don't trust them anymore; you may not like them anymore. What if that was your little boy or girl feeling like that. Discipline is a necessary tool in the life of a child but it is a lesson in living and not a way to express your anger or frustration.

7. One thing I get told a lot also is that they do not want to be talked down to. They want to be talked to. When you are talking to your spirit baby talk to them like you want to be talked to. Tell them about your day and ask about theirs. You may not understand the response but they are going to try and give you one. Ask them questions about things. Give them the chance to have an opinion. You can maintain control and still give them the freedom to think about it. When you are dressing your little one in the morning put out 2 outfits and let them pick which one to wear. You ultimately had the control by picking 2 outfits but they had the control of what they wore and were none the wiser. By doing this you are starting them out early in life making decisions that they will do for the next 80-100 years.

8. I asked the spirits and guides about rules. Since my guides are pretty black and white rules are always an interesting topic. But they said with a child there has to be rules and more important there has to be boundaries. They are important for safety and your sanity. But never tell a spirit baby that something is the way it is because you said so. Trust me they’re thinking “Who made you God”. When you make a rule explain to them why that rule is in place. Here is an example: “Baby, do not pull on the dog’s tail.” Then tell them why “If you pull on the dog’s tail she is going to turn around and bite you.” If that does not work add “And when she does, it will be your fault.” With Joshua I would always tell him to stop climbing on the chair and when that did not work I added “If you don’t stop climbing on that chair, you are going to fall over, and when you do it is going to be funny and I am going to laugh at you.” That worked like a charm, he did not want me laughing at him and he would so causally climb down and go do something else.

So for now these are a few lessons I have learned from the spirit babies. They always want us to know that because they picked their parents it means they have an unending supply of love for those two people. They want you to know that their job as your spirit baby is to be the best person they can be and to make you proud. They can’t do that if you are not an attentive and caring parent. Now go hug your kids and tell them you love their spirit. They will think you are odd but their inner spirit will be shining knowing that you have acknowledged it.

New Job

As many of you are aware I started my new job on Monday, February 18, 2008. It is with a company here in Albuquerque called Research and Polling Inc. (http://www.rpinc.com/). I originally interviewed with them on February 7, 2008, I met with the 3 Market Analysist that they have working for them and they explained what my job would be. They were very nice and it sounded like a job I could do and it was also something totally different than anything I have ever done in the past.

Basically, RPI is a market research company. They do everything from policitcal polling to mock jury's. They have a staff of pollers who call members of the community to ask questions about how you feel about this or that. They also organize and run focus groups on various subjects and items. Once they have finished with the polling that information is then give to that data entry department that enters everything into the computer. Then I get it and take all these papers and turn them into a presentable report. The one I worked on today was 243 pages so it takes days for me to finish one project. However, I have several going at one time and I jump between all of them and then some.

Today I was told we were having a "Happy Hour" Meeting at 2:30. Sweet, alcohol in the middle of the afternoon. I was informed that unfortunately there would be no alcohol. The meeting is held each time they are getting ready to launch a new research poll. The staff is given a copy of the polling questions, we are to go over the questions and discuss if we need to change the question, the format, the order the questions or ask and if the questions are easy enough to answer. Today's was on adoption, it was really interesting, I got to ask some good questions and I got to see the process. It was very interesting.

My official title is Word Processing Specialist, I have my own office (which I love), it is a very casual office environment. They wear jeans everyday, I had to politely explain to them that I only own 1 pair of jeans so I would not be wearing them everyday. I also explained that when I had to work at the funeral home I would be dressed up so don't panic and think I was job hunting. The staff is very nice there are about 15 full time employees and one really big dog that work there. Everyone has a quirky sense of humor and put up with me being extremely sick on first week there. I got in on Monday with the cold from hell, by noon I was barely alive by 5pm I was toast. Tuesday was a bit better but still sniffing the vicks and my nose looks like rudolph. I am hoping this job will last for quite awhile since I was reminded that I do not like to job hunt.

So I am headed back to work tomorrow, still sick but better. I am not working this weekend so hopefully I can recover and get completely well. Everyone send lots of good vibes to my nose so that it will stop acting up.

Valentine's Day Lesson

Valentine's Day the holiday of lovers...or the commercially insane was this past Thursday and as with Halloween I was traveling. I had some trepidation about my first Valentine’s alone. How would I do? Would I spend the day wallowing in self-pity? I answered that question rather quickly. No I would spend the day traveling thanks to a storm that was suppose to hit New Mexico and never did.

I had my moments though as I drove. But, what I found interesting was that I always have a tendency to focus on when #3 and I were dating more so than when we were actually married. I do get the moments of melancholy when I am reminded of a place we have traveled together and it always happens at the oddest times. But, most of the time I focus on the time from January through June when we were newly in love. Those six months were some of the happiest I have had in my life. It was a new relationship and it was always exciting and fun. Even though after we got married we had good times these are the one’s I remember as being perfect.

Valentine’s Day 2000 I went to Tucson for a few days. #3 had only lived there a few weeks but we took the town by storm. Now remember this was my first experience traveling alone and west of San Antonio. These days were what made me fall in love with him. He was wonderful, caring, attentive, passionate, basically everything I wanted in a person and then some. Valentine’s after that were nice he always remembered with something. We never went all out but we did something.

Anyway, enough of the dribble, on the drive back I worked with the Z and the Boys (aka: The Guides). I have mentioned before they are not much into relationships. They are okay with relationships and at times they even encourage them. Not as a way of life but as a learning tool or experience. They feel your way of life should be about you and what you are about. Not about you based on someone else. I was getting upset because I kept falling back onto this time. I felt almost stuck in Y2K; as I often do I begged for some reasoning behind this “issue” I seem to have. Their explanation was mind blowing.

They explained that I was not falling back on memories of him alone, but memories of when I declared my independence for the first time. #3 just happened to be along for the ride. This was a time when I had left #2 and ended our 11 year relationship, I was living alone for the first time with Joshua and doing really well both personally and professionally. I was allowing myself to take trips without Joshua and not feeling guilty. This was my way of telling the world that I was a good mother and I could go places alone and still be a good mother. I was telling the world that I was single and happy and that was okay too. #3 just happened to be there.

However, I was still concerned that I allowed myself to fall into a relationship so quickly and completely. Z told me that it was part of the process. Up until that point in my life I had never experienced a relationship where I was the center of attention and #3 truly wanted to be with me and he wanted (at the time) to spend the rest of his life with me. So when the opportunity came along I jumped at it. However, since independence was fairly new to me I had a problem brewing. I had to decide what I wanted more an independent life or a relationship. I battled this one for 7 years. There would be times that I would feel like I did not have a place in my own home. I would go into a phase where all I did was work. That is where I wanted to be and it was because at work it was just me. This was starting to cause problems because I was supposed to be part of a relationship. At this point Z was also starting to tell me my own enlightenment was going to cause problems because it was something others might not understand and they would feel like they either knew more about my own path or they did not know anything at all. Either way, I was going to start getting anxious. I could see the path to enlightenment but it was not the path I was on. So there was going to be a big problem for me down the road. I would either have to take the path for my own enlightenment and continue it alone or stay on the path with a relationship that had turned sour and was not healthy for anyone.

So as my drive concluded after many tears, many rants and many ravings. I was left with one thought. I was obsessing over one thing and it was really something else all together. It just goes to show that as a human we can only see things from one perspective or as one sided. But my guides can see things in a multitude of ways. What this does for me is it takes something I consider to be a weakness (i.e.: feeling like I am stuck in the past) and turn it into an important lesson toward enlightenment.

So as Valentine’s Day 2008 ended what did I do? Well I did get home before the non-storm and had Friday off to play. I promised myself that I would go out and find me something nice for Valentine’s Day as a gift to myself. I did not buy any chocolates or flowers. I did not get myself some sexy lingerie since I live alone that would have been just weird. I did however buy myself the most beautiful pair of spiked heel leather boots that anyone has ever seen. They are fabulous and I can’t wait to take them out for a spin tomorrow with my new sweater and matching long skirt. Happy Valentine’s Day to ME.

One Step Closer

I have taken one step closer to my vow of independence. Yes leaving my husband was a big step and over the past several months I have done several smaller steps. But I noticed today when I was in the coffee shop and this really cute guy started talking to me. That he ever so casually looked at my hand. It hit me after he left that he was looking to see if I had a wedding ring on. Well first off kudos to him for at least looking and second damn me for having a ring on that finger.

As I said a few posts back, I have replaced my wedding ring with a ring that I bought for myself and that I absolutely love. (My next ring is going to be a diamond solitaire just because in all my marriages I have never been given on and I want one.) And since I have had a ring on that finger for most of my adult life I just put another on to replace my wedding ring. Well today, I took that ring off and moved it over. I thought about it and in a funny silly way it is my telling the world that I belong to no one. I belong only to myself. I really had a flash and thought back to an episode of Sex and the City when Carrie got tired of having to go to bridal and baby showers and buy expensive gifts for these women. So as a way of declaring her independence she threw herself a bridal shower and she was marrying herself. So all those women that she bought gifts for now had to return the gesture. What did she register for? SHOES Not just any shoes but Manolo Blahnik's the favorite shoe of shoe loving woman (and some men I know) everywhere.

So the next time I go to the coffee shop and a cute guy looks at my hand, guess what he will see. Nothing but a great ring on my middle finger and a sign that says "I am unattached and available." Then I want him to read the sign that I am having made up that has my new motto on it: "I will live in sin; But I won't marry again."

I just heard my mother start crying. Well she will get over it sooner or later.

The Role of Aunt Cindy

One of the best reasons to visit Houston is to see my nephews; Joseph & Devin and my niece; Danae.

These are three great kids; Joseph who turned 8 last month is spoiled rotten by mam-ma and pap-pa but he is a good kid. Devin is your typical middle child, he has a way of making you laugh over the silliest things and our pride and joy, Danae (or Nae Nae as Devin calls her) is the most precious baby girl I have ever seen.

Since Ms. Danae was sick I got to babysit her while I was in town and I have to say it was so much fun. She is so sweet and never fussed. Even though she could not breath well due to a stuffy nose she never complained. What a woman she will be one day. Danae reminded me of Kali, she is tough and hard to ruffle. I held her and rocked her and all the while she looks you in the eye and never falters.

I will enjoy spending the rest of my life watching these three grow up. And now next month we will have a new baby Josiah from my brother Jeremiah and his girlfriend Rossland.

Another Day...Only Different

Last week I had this epiphany (which means a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.) I decided that in order to get a new job I would have to leave town. Not move out of town mind you, just leave. As I was driving to yet another interview I thought to myself. What am I doing wrong? I am being positive and upbeat, I am being honest and sincere, I am being fun and witty so why the hell am I still unemployed? Then it hit, because I am trying to hard. I had turned looking for a job into a job. The universe did not understand my quest. Why did I need a job, I was going out everyday and doing what I do best, talking to people, meeting people and staying out of the house just like you do when you are employed. The universe also does not understand the concept of money and how it makes our world go around. So I told Phyllis on Friday, that I was going to Houston so I could get a job. Then I explained that as soon as I left town and stopped "working" at finding a job the offers would start rolling in.

I left Albuquerque after I dropped Phyl off at work on Monday and headed east. I packed the kids and very odd hamster in the car and started out. As usual Kali immediately dived under her security layer of blankets and pillows, Tau promptly climbed on his pillow and cried and Franklin the hamster did what he always does; nothing.

It took until 12 noon for the phone to start ringing. The first call was from Research and Polling, Inc. I had interviewed there last week and really enjoyed the people. The job is for a Word Processing Specialist or a fancy title for a typist. What they did was Research and Poll for various topics and causes then they got the information into a huge pile of numbers and figures. I would then take those numbers and figures and turn them into something readable. They wanted me to come in for a 2nd interview. I politely told them that I was out of town for the week and that I would be more than happy to do a phone interview or wait until next week. After a return call I was granted the phone interview at noon the following day. The next call came from Presbyterian Hospital regarding a secretary position, then a call from CNM College, then a call from Account Temps. I graciously told them all that I was out of town for the week. To say they were shocked is maybe an overstatement but they all seemed confused on why I would be out of town when I did not have a job.

We drove to Kerrville and stayed the night. I can tell you it was a bit warm in Texas and I liked it. We left Kerrville and headed on to Houston. It had turned rainy overnight and it rained off and on the rest of the drive. As I got closer to Houston my phone continued to ring. Since it was raining I let the calls go to voice mail. The calls were from various temp agencies calling with offers or openings, another place I had interviewed with that wanted a second interview. As noon approached it was raining more and the traffic getting into Houston was a nightmare, but nothing I could not handle. I took the phone call when it came in and spoke with the President of RPI regarding the position. He told me that his staff was very impressed by my skills and enjoyed the interview with me. They felt that I would fit in with the staff wonderfully. I have to say at this point, I am driving in the rain, maneuvering through stop and go traffic and having a job interview on my cell phone and all the while I was calm, cool and professional. Even when a truck tried to run over me changing lanes. Not once did I swear at them or blare my horn. Cause I am good.

After about 10 minutes I got the offer, to come to work for RPI making good money and getting excellent benefits. Of course I accepted the offer, because I am not stupid and I needed the job. I immediately stopped mentally for a second to thank the guides for watching out for me and taking care of me an getting me what I wanted. I then finished the drive in to my parent’s house happy and relaxed. The phone calls continued through the week, I was happy to announce to them "I appreciate you thinking of me but I have already accepted an offer." It was good to be on top again.

So I start my new job on Monday at 8am and I am excited. I will keep everyone update on what is happening and how it is going. If anyone needs help with a resume or job site let me know, I have plenty of resources that I would be happy to pass on.

Vote "O" For Joe

As I mentioned a few posts ago one of the things I do not like to discuss with people...unless they totally agree with me...is politics. More wars have been started over politics than anything else. But, for right now I have a campaign going and I have titled it "VOTE "O" FOR JOE".

What the hell is that you ask? Well this is my campaign to get Barack Obama in office. Now before you get your panties all twisted let me explain. I have two reasons why and they are very good reasons. Reason number 1 is because he is cute. At least cuter than Hilary and anyone else running and the second reason and the most important reason is because he is bi-racial. His father is Africian and his mother is American.

Okay, maybe that is not a good enough reason to elect someone to office. But in my family I have 2 nephews and a niece who are bi-racial. These 3 small children changed the total dynamics of our southern family. Growing up my father was one of the most prejudice people that i knew. The town I grew up in was home to the KKK and Gilley's until the late 80's. The fact that we never saw a african american the whole time we were growing up never occured to us. We never knew that they were not allowed in our town. I found this out when I was 18 and it was very hard for me to understand. But I still saw nothing wrong with it.

Then my sister came along and grew up in a totally different world than myself and 3 brothers. She was born into a time when young people were ignoring the race rule and dating and marrying anyone they wanted. It did not matter what color they were or where they were from to them they were just other people. When we found out Debra was pregnant it knocked us all for a loop. First off she was only 17 and second it was by her ex boyfriend who was african american. Our biggest fear was telling daddy. But knowing my daddy like I did I knew no matter what he would never turn a baby away. One thing I can say about my daddy is he loves every child he comes across and none more than his own grandchildren. I truly believe he would lay his life down for any child in need. I was right on target, when Joseph was born January 20, 2000 (1 day after my birthday) he was the apple of my daddy's eye and still is; so are Devin and Danae.

However, it is hard to find a good role model for bi-racial children. There are great role models of African Americans (Oprah, Bill Cosby, Aretha Franklin, Usher, etc.), but it is harder to find bi-racial peopl; there is Tiger Woods; who is amazing and a great person; he is bi-racial and married a white woman. But unless you are into sports you probably don't know much about him. There are others as well actors and musicians but never has there been a President.

Who is better known to the children of the world but the President of the most powerful country of the world. For Joe to know that the President of the United States has a white mom and a black dad just like him and he is proud of it would be something I would love to see. I want my nephews and niece to grow up proud of their heritage and I want them to continue to tell the world about their heritage.

One draw back to being white is that we forgot our heritage. Unless you are 100% native american you came from somewhere else; another country and for a few that I know I think another planet. Either way we all have a heritage but most white people forgot theirs or don't know it. African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, Latinos, Native Americans, etc. they all know they came from somewhere else and they embrace their ancestors and what their ancestors gave to this world be it music, food, dancing, singing, whatever it was that they brought into this world to make it a better place. They know about it, they love it and they share it with their children. I don't have that, I don't know anything that my ancestors brought into this world other than kids. They did not pass down any family wisdom, not family history, not family secrets, no stories of the homeland, nothing.

So in order for my nephew to be happy with who he is and to be proud of who he is I am sending my slogan along to all my fellow Americans. Say it loud and say it proud

Vote "O" for Joe

Another Day Without A Job

We are going into week 3 on the unemployment front. I am starting to get a bit nervous. I have interviewed and applied everywhere I can think of and nothing is coming in. I get temp offers that pay $8 an hour. That would pay my rent but not much more. I know these job recruiters are just trying to do their job but it is really frustrating when they only call you with jobs that are worthless. Or they tell you call in everyday you are available and then you never hear from them again. At this point I am just frustrated to a point of just moving home and living with my parents. So what is this post about then? Well I know alot of people read my blog; more people than I actually thought did. And these people work in the business world and at one point or another they may partake in the process of hiring someone and if that happens I want to give them advice on what to do and what not to do from the interviewee's point of view.

1) If you are not planning on hiring anyone for several weeks. Don't interview until you are ready. Do you know annoying and frustrating it is to go on an interview and then be told "Well we are going to be looking at making a decision in 2-3 weeks." Do they really think the people they interview will be available in 2-3 weeks? I get so mad when I hear this, they had me dress up, drive over and in some case wait awhile and then tell me "We will call you in a few weeks with a decision." I am looking for a job now and if I was not I would not be interviewing. The applicants are up front about when they can start a job and the employer needs to be as well.

2) Why do you want to work for our company? Unless you are willing to accept the lies you will be told by the applicant. Don't ask this question. We want to work for your company because you have an opening. Now if I was a specialized Heart surgeon and you were the best heart hospital in the world you have the right to ask this question. But if you are just a regular for profit company looking for a secretary don't ask this question. Because then I and everyone else I know are inclined to lie like a rug and say something stupid like "Your company brings light to the community by offering your services to citizens of our town." Just assume we want to work for your company because we submitted our resume and everything requested by you including jumping through the ring of fire to test our fear level.

3) I know you want $15 an hour but this job pays $8 This is a HUGE problem with me. First off I am 40 years old not 18. If I tell you I will not accept less than a certain dollar amount it is because that is what I need to survive on. I am not being snotty and thinking my skills are so great that I deserve to be paid a million dollars a week. It is because like you, I have bills and obligations that must be paid every month and in order to do that I have to have a certain amount of money in the bank. To have an agency call and say I have a great job offer and they tell you everything you will be doing (and it is always a lot) and you are all excited. Then I say those few words "What is the pay rate?" Silence....coughing....shuffling...stammering...I ask again...silence...then the meek little voice "It starts at $8.00 a hour but it could go up if you hire on perm." Most places will look at taking you on perm after 90 days. So that is 90 days of making half of what you need to survive. Then they want to lable you as being difficult because you have to maintain a certain level of income to survive.

4) Let me show you around the office. Unless you are willing to at that moment make a job offer don't give us a tour of your office. Most of the time this tactic is to waste time while they are waiting for someone else. But what it does is it gives the applicant a false sense of security. We start thinking that if you are going to the trouble of giving us a tour you must be ready to offer us the job. WRONG. Do you know how many office tours I have been given. Really people I don't need to know where the bathrooms are if I am not working there. If you need to fill time just let us know most often we bring something with us to do because half the time we are kept waiting.

5) We are calling to tell you we chose someone else. If we don't hear from you it is a given that we did not get the job. But there is nothing worse than getting a voice mail message that sounds so urgent and we stop everything we are doing to call you back and get told "I just wanted to let you know that we offered the position to someone else." Okay, I now feel like crap. Don't do that, don't tell us how difficult of a decision it was for you to make, don't tell us how much you really wished there were 2 jobs open, don't tell us any other excuses to ease your mind. Just don't worry about it. Trust me we don't stop looking for a job just because we interviewed with you and got the tour of the office. We are know the chances are not always in our favor that you will give us the job. This is just par for the course. But to get a call and make us stop our search to be told "We don't want you" is just maddening. If you must communicate your rejection send us a nice note or card, perferably with a check paying us for the time we took to interview and drive over. If not just with a note of thanks for coming in. That is all we need. No phone call necessary.

6) Put what the job pays in the ad and be honest. This sort of falls back on #3, but unless you have done a job search lately you have no idea how time consuming it can be. If you are wanting a new employee you already know how much you are willing to pay. Why do you want to waste time interviewing people who will not accept the position because it does not pay enough. I know it is not PC to list what you are willing to pay in the ad but it makes life so much easier if you do. As a general rule the applicant is not suppose to ask what the position pays because that makes us look like all we want the job for is the paycheck. And god forbid the employer think that his employees are there for something other than a paycheck. So if you are only able to pay $8 an hour then be honest and interview those who can work for that. Definately do not say you will pay $32,000 a year and when you get an interviewee in your office tell them "Well really the job pays $16,000 a year." Because what does this do, it makes the interviewee mad and it makes you look like a boob. Why, because you may end up needed someone with their skills and qualifications down the road. You call them and remind them that they interview in the past and want to see if they are available for this position. They are not even going to give you the time of day, because they don't trust you. You tried to pull the wool over their eyes once why would they give you the chance again. So please be honest and unashamed of what you are willing to pay. Also remember the old say "You Get What You Pay For" meaning if you are only willing to pay $8 an hour that is the type of skills you are going to get. You are not going to get an executive secertary for that amount. So keep that in mind.

So the job hunt will continue until I find a job and I am sure that will happen sometime in the future I just don't know when. Hopefully my misadventures will help someone else when they are starting to look for a new employee. Remember we are unemployeed not stupid and we are worth our weight in gold. Once you hire us you will find out.

FYI: #6 actually happened to me with the DA's office. The job was listed as starting out at $32,000 a year and during the interview they mentioned that they job only paid $8.32 an hour that is $17,305.60 a year. BIG DIFFERENCE.

What I've Learned

The last 2 weeks have been pretty busy and eventful for me. Between starting school, losing my job and job hunting I am exhausted. But on top of that I have learned a few things; some by way of advice, some by way of the guides and some by way of just stupidity. Since I am such a wonderful caring person I thought I would share my education with you. So here you go.

1) It is always easier to find a job when you have a job. I have heard this my whole life and never really understood what it meant. But, now I do. You see when you have a job you can be selective and non-stressed while looking. You are not out anything as far as money goes because you still have employment. Once you are out of a job things take on a different tone all together. You are now feeling the pressure of finding something before you run out of money. You are stressed about if you should just accept the first job offered to you or not. And you are starting to panic a bit. This is what I am dealing with right now. Luckily all my bills are paid for February but that is about as far as I can get without employment. I have interviewed so many times and I have heard the run around so many times in the past 2 weeks that I am almost becoming homicidal with it all. But that in itself is another post.

2) No matter how right you are always keep it to yourself. This was a funny one to learn. When I left Mesa I was pissed beyond all belief and as the days went on I plotted out my letter of retort. I typed out my letter and worked on it for days. At one point, I did start to see flashes of #3 in my mind because this is something he would obsess over. But, I wanted to make my point that what I was accused of was just wrong. Now I rationalized to myself that this needed to be done. This person had done this time and time again and it needed to stop or at least be brought to her attention that we were aware of her psychosis. But, for some reason I held off on sending the letter. Then as I was communicating with the guides I was asking about it and if I should mail it or not. Since they are my guides they are very honest with me and they don't make up stories or sugar coat it so your feelings are not hurt. They told me that no matter how much I tried to rationalize why I wanted to send this letter I was only doing to hurt someone and cause them the pain they caused me. By doing this I would be in the wrong. Even though I wanted to tell her that she was wrong in her accusations it did not matter because by telling her the truth of what she did to me would only cause her pain and grief and that was not my job to do. I was also assured that it would be taken care of by the powers that be and I had other things to worry about. So I will not mail my letter and I will trust that what needs to be done will be done.

3) Dogs maybe be man's best friend but they do not like the schedule adjusted. Since I am now home ALL DAY I thought this would be a great opportunity to bond with my kids. Boy was I wrong. My dogs have a very scheduled day when I am not there. They start off by seeing me out the door in the morning and then promptly go back to bed under the table. Then they move to the sofa to sleep for awhile, then to the recliner for a snooze, then back under the table, they get a quick drink and a bite to eat then they tour the house to make sure all is well. Once their guard duty is done they go back to the sofa to make sure it is still there and they can still sleep on it. When I am home all day they look at me, stare at me, cry at me, bark at me, beg me to do anything but stay in the house. They do seem to enjoy being allowed to go outside in the BIG backyard anytime they want to but that is so they can bark at nothing. It has been an adjustment for all of us these past 2 weeks we are all ready for mommy to go back to work and get the hell out of their house during the day.

So you can see that my 2 weeks off has not been a total waste of time and energy. I am learning things and getting things done. And I now know that everyday at 2:00 People's Court comes on and at 4:00 pm Oprah comes on and sometime between this they are any number of soap's and a million other judge shows to watch. All I can say is I NEED A JOB.