A Visit from the Past

Today, is November 30th it is the 24 anniversary of my friend Tim's death. He died when I was 16 in a car accident. At that point in my life he was the most important person in my life and I was madly in love with him. This was the first death I had experienced that was close to me. It was also the beginning of my life of not trusting anyone to be close to me again. If they could be taken away so quickly I could not take the chance on trusting anyone again.

Tim comes and goes around me once in awhile. He is not one that stays in this dimension often, he seems to enjoy the other side a lot and stays over there most of the time. If Tim comes to me it is usually when I am having a very difficult time and he appears to me to remind me of a time when life was not so hard and things were not so dark.

Tim came to me Friday night and it was not in his usual way. He caught me off guard and let's just say the anger I had gotten over came back really fast. As I was lying in my bed attempting to go to sleep, I saw a dark shadow in my bathroom. It just hung there in the middle of the bathroom. I knew it was something more than a shadow because I could not see through it. I could see around it, but no through it. I was pissed, I do not allow any spirits in my bedroom (except my grandfather and he refuses to listen), much less to lurk in the bathroom. So I demanded that whoever it was get the hell out of my bathroom and leave. He ignored me, which made me madder. So I decided to ignore him, since the only way into my house is if I know them I knew there was no danger.

To see him again was nice and upsetting all at the same time. My life when he was here was not a good life for me. I was at odds with my mother constantly, she did not trust me and felt I would make the same mistakes she did in her life. So to compensate for that she kept me on a very short leash and anyone who knows me knows that I am not a nice person when I am not happy. But, I always consider him to be part of my life when it was simpler and he wanted to make me see what it was really like and not my fantasy.

He reminded me of something I had just told Phyllis not 2 days before. That this time was a time to look at what we have hidden, face it, deal with it and move on. He was something I had never dealt with, I understand now what and why my mom did what she did. I have the satisfaction of knowing that I was not what she thought I was. I did not repeat the mistakes she made as a teenager, there was never a chance that I would do what she did. We were two totally different people.

But, when he died a part of me went with him. I literally shut down the part of me that allowed me to trust someone on a level that I trusted him. I can honestly say he was the only person who knew me through and through. He knew my dreams, my nightmares, my hopes and my abilities. We talked in depth about his knowledge that he would not live to adulthood. He knew I would understand what he felt and not be afraid of it. He just always had a feeling that his job in this dimension was to make his parents happy and once he accomplished that it was over. I do not think he knew how or when he would die he just knew it would be before he was an adult.

This however did not make his dying any easier. The first time he ever came to me was at his funeral. As we were attempting to leave the cemetery the car would not start, I went back to his freshly filled grave to talk to him a little more. I assured him everyone would be fine and we would go on and that his job was done and he needed to move on. The cemetery was not the place for him to stay. After a few minutes the car started on its own. He just needed a little reassuring before he started his next journey and I started mine.

So my question to Tim was how do I face what happened 24 years ago? What do I do with the knowledge I have now and how do I apply it to that day in 1984? As only Tim could do he laughed and said only I knew the answer to that question and I had to trust myself to know the solution. In a side comment he also let me know that the person for me is out there and they are looking for me. He asked that I not worry about how I will know love when I find it, I will just know in my heart that it is right and to be sure I know he will come to me when this person comes into my life.

So basically I think I have a ghostly match maker. Wow talk about match made in heaven. Ha Ha.

Me and My Multiple Personalities

The last few weeks have been a true emotional roller coaster for me. One minute I am ready to kill anyone who looks at me wrong the next minute I am crying about something I remembered from 20 years ago. Today was just right down weird, it was truly the pinnacle of my emotional craziness.

A few weeks ago I was so angry at everyone for everything. There was not one specific thing that started my anger but it was very confusing and actually a bit frightening to me. I was actually afraid to work with certain people because of my mood and what I might say or do. My mood was so explosive that I actually drank alcohol in the middle of the day to try and see if that would help my mood. It didn't, it just gave me a headache from hell that evening. It seems no matter how hard I try to get drunk, it just is not possible. Yeah Me.

The anger left as quickly as it came and in it's place it left the feeling of loss and heart ache. Personally I preferred the anger at least I know how to deal with that. For the next several days I would well up at the drop of a hat, I had dreams that made no sense to me at all, I had problems figuring out where I was in life and what I wanted out of it. The guides advice was to ride it out, it was all happening for a reason. Again Yeah Me.

So I am hoping this week is a mellow week with less emotions. I have two parties this week, French's is Tuesday night at the Marriott with my holiday date, Phyllis. RPI's is Thursday starting with shopping in Old Town, dinner at St. Claire Winery and Bistro and then I get to give them all a ghost tour of Old Town, I figure they will be so drunk by that point I can just take them in an alley and leave them. So maybe by partying all week my mood will stay in a good place. We will see.

Thanksgiving 2008

Thanksgiving was this past Thursday and for me it was relatively a nice day. I did have to go into work which was not something I was looking forward to but it turned out okay. It was a cold and rainy day here in Albuquerque but I was indoors so it did not matter too much. My two best friends were over; Phyllis and Eddie. We had a nice traditional dinner with turkey (breast only, we don't like dark meat), mashed potatoes, baked sweet potatoes, fresh bread, stuffing and pumpkin pie. We ate till we could not eat anymore and then just vegged out and watched National Treasure 2. When the evening was over everyone went home and the start of Christmas was in full swing.

I volunteered to work on Black Friday to save myself the temptations of shopping. With cold weather comes the busy season for the mortuary business. Since the weather has stayed relatively nice for much of the fall the mortuary business has been slower than usual. It is starting to pick up as the weather changes, I have no doubt that I will be busy for the next several weeks.

This holiday season has already started off much different that last years. Last year I was so far into a depression that I did not know one day from the next, much less one holiday from the next. I have already put up my tree and made a wreath for my door and one for my neighbors door. And as all the years in the past I am ready for January and the end of the holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving

Cindy's Holiday Christmas List

MSN had a list of the top 10 things no one wants to get for Christmas. Well they apparently forgot to ask me because there were several things on this list that I want.

#1 Life Gem. For the small amount of $2,699-$24,999 Life Gem uses the cremated remains of your pet and turns them into gem. I have some hamster ashes that would make a great diamond ring.

#3 Coffin Couch only $3,500. My only question is "Are they all in black vinyl?"I would prefer something more soft and cozy. Maybe a nice oak or pine.

#5 Fish Bowl Bookends $32.95. I love this idea, I so want fish as bookends. They would be adorable sitting on my desk holding all my novels of shame.

#7 Rainboot Purse $69 As a lover of purse this is a must have. I am not sure what I could fit into it because my brush is bigger than the boot. But, I would certainly give it good try.

# 9 Bestow Wall Mounted Hand Vase, $95. This just looks like something to annoy people with and hang my jacket on at the same time.

They did have several things that I did not want anymore than the next person; such as; Fundies which are undies made for two. This is totally lost on me since there is only the one what would the point be. Chanel sandals with a light bulb for the heel. It does not say what happens when the light bulb breaks. Can you change it out or are the shoes ruined? Gold Pills, I just don't know what the point is. Is there a health benefit to swallowing a pill filled with solid gold?

But for the most part I like the off the wall out of the ordinary gifts. I will have to think of these when I am doing my annual shopping trip for my own gift. This year may take on a new twist who knows.

My Horrorscope

I usually take a quick glance at my horrorscope once in awhile. I don't usually plan my life around my astrology. But I do like it when my astrology only verifies what the guides have already told me. It is sorta of back up.

So several days ago Z and the Boys informed me that my subconscious was holding on to people and thoughts that I was not technically aware of. Here is what my astrology for today said

"Self-inquiry Valid during several weeks: At this time you have to get in touch with your own subconscious mind, to find out how it directs your life in ways that you aren't aware of. Try to see how your actions may run counter to your conscious intentions. "

Interesting right? I have been trying to figure out my subconscious mind and let me tell you when you do it gets very upset. I have decided that my subconscious mind is like the evil me. It wants to do things on its own and by its own rules. It does not like me trying to take over, so it has been a battle of wills on who will win out. Me or my subconscious. Right now I really don't know who is going to win all I know is that I am in a VERY BAD MOOD. Nothing is sitting well with me the last few days and if you try to "make" me do something without my knowledge (IE: schedule me for a training on my night off without even telling me) you are bound to end up headless. So for now I am going to go and sit in a corner and try not to kill anyone. I can't make any guarantees but hopefully the blood shed with small.

The Most Fun Ever - Webcams

Several years ago I discovered a great way to de stress during the day. I found various webcams on line and if I started to get frazzeled I would go to one of the sites I liked and just watch for a few minutes. As the holidays approach and we are start stressing over the little things stop and visit one of these sites and just relax.

The Puppy Cam: Watch 6 Shiba Inu puppies do what puppies do best play and sleep.
http://cdn1.ustream.tv/swf/4/viewer.45.swf?cid=317016

Elephant Seals: Ano Nuevo Island off the California coast is one of the largest Elephant Seal colonies. They have a webcam set up where you can watch them bask in the sun, fight, swim and just do nothing. The babies some in the winter so you can watch them roll around.
http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/sealcam/

Wild Africa: You are viewing Pete's Pond in Botswana Africa. The one draw back to this one is that the best time to view it is hard for us to do. They are 9 hours ahead of us in New Mexico, example it is 7:50 pm there and 10:50 am here. The best times to view are early morning there and early evening there. But watching this webcam I have seen elephants, hyenas, strange monkeys, wild dogs and lots of birds.
http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/wildcamafrica/

Belize Reefs: This is a new webcam and it is underwater. You watch the reef in Belize. It is not really exciting but it is very relaxing to watch the current sway from side to side. You will see a variety of fish and sometimes a shark or two.
http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/wildcambelize/

Monteray Bay Aquarium: This is one of the best webcams. They have 8 different cameras at different exhibits. Of course I love the Outer Bay Aquarium because that is where they display the Great White Shark when they get one in the early fall. This years has already been released in the wild but the last 3 years they had one in the aquarium for several months. But it is still fun to watch the HUGE fish and turtles they have. They also have a camera for the otters and the bay. The bay is relaxing because you watch the waves and you can hear the water and the seals in the background. Once in awhile you will see a little seal in the water hanging out on the rock, you will see boaters and kayakers go by in the warmer weather.
http://www.mbayaq.org/efc/cam_menu.asp

So when you start feeling stressed go to one of these sites and relax. I will post more as they become available. I am waiting for the Polar Bear Cam and the Grizzle Cam to come back online but that will not happen anytime soon due to weather issues.

43 Odd Questions

Blame Sandy for this one. She emailed me her list of 43 Odd Things About Her so I figured lets continue the tradition of answering the questionnaires. So here we go

1. Do you like blue cheese? No, Cheese should be white or yellow not blue. EEEWWWWEEE
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes, I use to smoke before I got pregnant with Joshua. Now if you see me smoking turn and run that means someone is about to die because I am pissed off.
3. Do you own a gun? No, we decided me and a gun was not a good idea. I think it has something to do with my version of protecting myself. I trap the criminal in my house, then I tie them to a chair, I start at the toes, shooting one little piggy, then a knee, then a part they really like and I continue to move my way up. See me and a gun...bad idea.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Was my favorite? I am still a fan of Kool Aid. In the summer I like the sugar free cherry or the regular black cherry and I pour it over shaved ice
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think I will pass.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? When I was little it was the Grinch because there is a Cindy in the show as an adult I don't know that I have a favorite. I just watch them all.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Diet Coke or Pepsi
9. Can you do push ups? Push bra yes, push with my arms hell no.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? It depends on what I need. If I need grounding I have a charged necklace from Phyllis for that, if I need peace I have a amethyst and blue topaz necklace for that.
11. Favorite hobby? Hobbies I use to know what those were. I guess my hobby now is the animals. Since they take up all my spare time.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? I don't thinkkkkkkkkkkk..........ooohhh shiny light.....no I don't have ADD
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Nothing now, I use to hate the fact that I allowed myself to trust people to easily.
14. Middle name? Ann
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
(1) I can't think of three things
(2) What reports are due today and what are due tomorrow
(3) I think I can make a turducken for thanksgiving after all
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Iced tea, diet coke, diet Pepsi
17. Current worry? Deciding if I really want to go home for the holidays
18. Current hate right now? Let's just not go there.
19. Favorite place to be? Any beach
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I really do not remember so apparently it was nothing great
21. Where would you like to go? Any beach
22. Name three people who will complete this? Since I am not passing it on no one will complete it
23. Do you own slippers? I use too. But for me I run around bare foot all the time even in the winter so slippers are a waste of money
24. What shirt are you wearing? red blouse
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No, the sheets and blankets don't stay still they are always sliding around
26. Can you whistle? Yes, a bit
27. Favorite color? Depends on the season and mood
28. Would you be a pirate? Maybe not today's pirate but the one's I read about in the romance novels are great. So sure I would definitely be a Harlequin romance pirate
29. Do you sing in the shower?No
30. Favorite girl's name? I don't have a favorite name other than my own. Since I name the animals by energy and vibration and by what I get from them I don't have a pre set of names
31. Favorite boy's name? See question 31
32. What's in your pocket now?? Nothing
33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably working with Harold and Kristian
34. What's the best dish you cook? I am just really starting to cook so I am not sure what the best is you would probably have to ask Phyllis since she is the taste tester of all my meals
35. Worst injury you've ever had? I hurt my foot and had to have surgery but it was not too terrible.
36. Do you love where you live? Love is such a big word. I like where I am for the moment.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2
38. Who is your loudest friend? All my friends are loud and that is because we are always have fun wherever we are. So the one person that I get to laughing with and can not stop is Gail we always get funny looks when we go out.
39. Do you have any pets? Wait let me think....No, I don't have pets I have animal companions. Dogs - Tau & Kali, Teddy Bear Hamsters - Parker & Guinevere, Dwarf Hamsters - Lance & Pandora, Gerbil - Tommy, Guinea Pigs - Zara, Zoe, Mario & Rusty
40. Does someone have a crush on you? God I hope not
42. Favorite Sports Teams? I always say I hate sports because I do. But, if I think long and hard on it I can come up with a sport I like. So let me think a second.....nope I still hate sports.
43. What song do you want played at your funeral? I absolutely fanatically do not want a funeral. I am being cremated or donated to science whichever Joshua decides and then he and the family are to take a trip in my honor and remember me the way I want them to as the fun loving person I am.

She Bit the Hand That Feeds Her

Last week I got a new cage for one of the hammies. I gave it to Guinevere since she is the one who likes to make a run for it. I thought she would appreciate the new space. Well I was wrong; she had no desire to have a new space. So after several days of no interest I gave her back her old cage and gave Parker the new cage. To say she liked it would be an understatement.

For those who don't recall. I got Guinevere and Parker over the summer when they were about 6 or 7 weeks old. Up until about a month ago I did not see them too much (unless Guinie had escaped). They mostly slept. But recently they have started moving around more and being more active in the early evening. Parker and I have gotten to be good friends. She comes down and will take nuts out of my hand, we have spent time playing in the playpen, she has even gotten out of her cage and quietly let me put her back. She is a sweety. That is until last night.

Last night I gave Parker the new cage. She went from the sweet furry friend to Jungle Jane. She started climbing the sides of the cage all the way to the top and then dropping. It was giving me a heart attack. I thought maybe I had the tunnels too far off the ground for her to climb into. But, she proved me wrong and wiggled her furry ass up the the tunnel. Only to come down head first and fell onto her head when she dropped out. Was she hurt or dis-swayed from climbing again? Lord no, off she went again. It was like watching a 5 year old at the play ground.

This morning to my dismay I discovered she found a way out, just knocked the top of the sleeping area right off. I don't want to think how she got to the floor. The cage is a good 2 foot high, the sleeping area is another 12-15 inches above that and then she is on top of a 2 foot high bookcase. She is a good 5 feet off the ground. But she was on the ground under the bookcase and she did not want to go back in her cage. When I went to pick her up for the first time ever she bit the holy crap out of me.

Getting her back in her cage was an ordeal that left me feeling pissed and guilty all at the same time. The only way I could catch her without getting bit again, was to set a container over her. She hollered and hissed the entire time. Even Kali was a bit afraid of her. The only other time I have heard a hamster make noises was Franklin when I first got him. For a second or two I missed my little Franklin and his bad attitude. But for Parker, she continued to carry on her tantrum until I literally dropped her in the cage. She immediately ran to wheel and started running. This is a hamsters way of telling you they are stressed. I tried to feed her a nut but she would have nothing to do with me. So I left her alone to go and doctor my hand that was bleeding profusely.

Hopefully when I get home Parker will still be in her new cage and not roaming the room looking for a fight.

Thanksgiving Traditions

It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving is next week and then Christmas. Lord the older I get the faster times goes by.

Growing up, Thanksgiving was one of my favorite holidays. It was all about family, food and fun and you were not expected to bring a gift. Being the one family member who did not cook I always got to bring sodas or paper plates. Which worked well for me.

When I was younger we would go to East Texas for Thanksgiving and any other time off we had from school. But once Debra came along and mom started working we no longer went up to East Texas and we had all the holidays at home.

I loved waking up on Thanksgiving morning because my mom was already cooking in the kitchen. You could smell everything already and it was great. We were early eaters having dinner around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Everyone would come over and the eating would begin. I remember that we always had turkey and ham, cornbread stuffing (daddy's), bread stuffing (mom's), mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green beans that were fresh and cooked the good ole southern way; too death with bacon and onion, corn, bread of some sort and several pies. Since we had more family than table space my daddy always put up a card table and turned the coffee table into the kids table. Those of us seeking a little peace with our meals went outside and sat on the trampoline.

As the boys (Joshua, Eric & Casey) got a little bigger we started taking them to the parade in Downtown Houston. They loved it, we all did. We would sit on the sidewalk with hot chocolate, donuts and the newspaper. The kids played together and the adults read the paper and just relaxed. Once the parade started it was just pure excitement. The boys love it. That is the part of Thanksgiving I miss not having the boys around. Of course the boys are now men but in my heart they will always be 9, 8, 7.

Once I left Texas the holidays were not the same. I miss my family terribly during the holidays, once Josh left I stopped celebrating them all together. Last year was my first Thanksgiving completely void of family. Josh was in Wyoming, I was single and my family was in Texas. Phyllis and I had our own holiday dinner and it was great. We are doing the same this year just adding a few more people. We will have all the traditional things, Turkey, mashed potatoes, baked sweet potatoes, corn, green beans, stuffing (we buy it from Cracker Barrel cause we can not figure out how to make it) and pumpkin pie. Tau and Kali will have their own Thanksgiving dinner of turkey and sweet potatoes. These are their favorites. Now I just have to fight everyone else at the grocery store this weekend to get ready for Thursday. Wish me luck.

No Flying Monkey Nightmare

I am happy to report I did not have any nightmares about flying monkeys. I survived the night and feel like a new woman. Okay, that is taking the flying monkey fear a bit far but hey this is a monumental achievement for me. Did this mean I did not have any nightmares? Well of course not. Okay, I would not call them nightmares but more confusing than anything. In my world when I get a dream that is confusing it usually means I am suppose to be getting a message or lesson and I am not paying attention to it. Why can't messages and lessons be easy?

For the past several weeks I have been having a lot of dreams about #2 and #3. This is odd, because my instructions are no dreams about either of them. And for the most part it works. The dreams are not scary or romantic they are; as I said; confusing. I am usually attempting to talk to one of them and as always they are not receptive to my attempts at communication. Usually they both are living in the same house or are together. Which is just annoying. So this morning after yet another dream of trying to connect with #3 I wanted to know what the hell was going on. I am sick of waking up with a new feeling of dislike for these two people. Why did I insist on having them in my private time and my private dreams?

As I did my morning meditation and conversation with Z I asked what was going on. As always he was his usual evasive self but a little pushing got me what I wanted. Here is the layout of the conversation


Ziere (Z): You have come to the point in your journey that #2 and #3 (he actually uses their name and not a number. But, I am staying with the number)are now the same person.

Me: What?

Ziere (Z): Do not think of a person as the physical body. You know better than that. A body is simply a glamour of what they want you to see. Look past the glamour and see the spirit of the person, see their energy and their vibration. These men, as far as your are concerned are the same person in every way. Their vibration and energy will no longer be accepted by your vibration and energy, any time they enter your energy field you will feel uncomfortable because you are no longer compatible with their energy.

(IE, my explanation not theirs): Basically, have you ever stood next to someone and just felt creeped out or uncomfortable? Like you just wanted to move away from them? This is because something is off with their vibration and it is not meshing with yours. So your spirit wants to get away from them. This is what is going on with the ex's.

Me: Okay, so why the dreams? Why do I need to know this? And why disrupted my sleep with this information?

Ziere (Z): You need to know this so that those lingering feeling that you hide in your subconscious for both of these men will no longer be there. No matter what you have done up to this point in your life you have held a small grain of hope that something different would happen. Hate and dislike are emotions that only exists when you are awake. The dream plain is a dangerous place for someone who harbors emotions for another. By reminding you in your dreams of these two men you are seeing what they feel for you. Which is nothing. (a bit harsh don't you think). These men have walked away from you and will never return to you. They have no thoughts of you during their waking hours, they have no thoughts of you during their sleeping hours. They have completely voided you from their life. As a sensitive and an empath you do not do this on your own. You can not help but to keep a bit of people you share your emotions with. But like you do with the spirits you work with you must learn to release all pieces of these men and any man you come across in the future that is not the one for you.

Me: Okie Dokie.

So what does this tell me? That even though these men are out of my life they are not out of my subconscious. So that is my new goal to make sure they are out of my subconscious and that they stay out of it. I have already been told that if I ever get close to #2 again he will kill me. He is that much of a controlling possessive person. That knowledge pretty much keeps me away from him. Maybe this is something I need for #3 as well. Maybe I need to find out exactly what he would have done if we had stayed together. I think I will ask for that information. Should be interesting.

The Most Terrifying Movie...EVER

I am watching the most terrifying movie ever made. You may be wondering what it is...Poltergeist, Friday the 13th, The Shining, Saw (1-5)? No it is none of these "modern day" horror movies. This horror movie was made in 1939. In 1939 they released such horror films as "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" "Son of Frankenstein" "The Hounds of Baskerville" and the worst movie of all times "Gone With The Wind". Okay, it is not the worst movie of all times, but it ranks high up there. I never watched this movie completely until last year with my dad. Why? Because I would have bitch slapped Ms. Scarlett in the first 20 minutes of the movie. What an annoying character. So back to my point. What is the horror movie I am subjecting myself to tonight? "THE WIZARD OF OZ"

Now once you stop laughing at me let me explain why this is the most terrifying movie of all times. Because of these...... FLYING MONKEYS

First off, I have this horrible fear of monkeys, they are just evil. Just look at one of them and you will see the evil in their eyes. Now Gorilla's are something different you look in their eyes and you just know they know. It is creepy. But monkeys have scared the hell out of me for my entire life. I do believe it started with seeing Planet of the Apes as a small child. Every year when the Wizard of Oz would come on TV my mom would make us all sit down and watch it. It was a good family program, she was not aware of the fact that the monkeys scared the crap out of me.

She also did not know that I personally sided with the Wicked Witch. Some crazy farm girl dropped a house on her sister and what did she get for sympathy? A bunch of little people singing and dancing and being lead by the evil Barbie Witch. She just wanted some love but did she get it? NO, those evil little people dressed up like a bunch of weirdos on Halloween in West Hollywood laughed at her and chased her off. I would be pissed to.

Tonight I have gone through so many channels with nothing on that I saw The Wizard of Oz was on so I figured "what the hell". I think you have to be on some serious crack in order for this movie to make any sense what so ever. I did fine until the dreaded flying monkeys. But I survived the ordeal and hopefully I won't have any nightmares about those damn monkeys.

One more look and they are still evil.

The Weirdest Week Ever

This has been one of the weirdest week I have had in a long time. First off the full moon was on Thursday and I completely forgot. I never forget a full moon. But there I was driving home from work and watching this gorgeous full moon rise over the mountains. I am still a little stunned that I forgot the full moon. Anyway, this week has been filled with just about every emotion I have from happy to sad and all of those in between.

My week started off okay and went down hill by Wednesday. First off on Wednesday I got a call from Joshua saying that his grandpa Kurt had passed away over night. This was a total shock to everyone. No one was expecting this and we were all taken completely by surprise. Joshua flew to Houston with his dad and family to be with his grandma Pat. The worst feeling in the world is to have your child hurting and upset and you can not do anything about it. I talk to Joshua everyday and he says he is doing okay but as someone who has dealt with the death of a loved one you know the emotions that are involved and you also know it is not easy to deal with no matter how well rounded you are. They held a visitation Friday evening that my parents attended and then had a service in La Porte on Saturday they will then transport Kurt to his families hometown of Strawn Texas for burial. I realized that this was an ordeal that Joshua would have to deal with on his own with his father and his family. This was not something that I needed to get involved with. So I am putting the emotional and mental well being of my child in the hands of others and I don't do this well.

On the upside of the week, I heard from my friends Dave & Sharon Oester who founded and run the International Ghost Hunters Society (www.ghostweb.com). I meet Dave and Sharon many years ago when they held their annual ghost conference here in Albuquerque. They just happened to be in New Mexico taking care of some business and conducting a few investigations while they were here. They were trying out a new piece of equipment to get EVP (electronic voice phenomena) at Fort Craig and the Missions in southern New Mexico. These are all places we have done many ghost hunts in the past and Fort Craig was always one of the best for paranormal experiences. I called my fellow ghost hunter and another friend of Dave and Sharon's, Jerry Santoniello and we drove down to Socorro Thursday evening and spent the most wonderful few hours together. I have not seen them in about 3 years and did not know how much I missed Dave and Sharon until I was hugging Sharon hello.

They were a bit shocked to learn about me and #3, like most of our mutual friends they knew us when we were happy and could not imagine anything changing that. It is always hard to tell mutual friends about our split and try to stay civil when talking about him, but I try...sort of. But we ended the evening promising each other that will not wait 3 years to see one another again. They are currently residing in Kingman Arizona and we all know how much I love a road trip. So I promised that as soon as winter was over I would head to Kingman for some serious ghost hunting. Until then Jerry has gotten the new equipment and we are planning on doing some EVP recording hopefully, this coming weekend. First place we hit is the mortuary second place is my house. I want to know who tossed the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet and not the cheap toilet paper either the expensive Charmin. Someones ghostly head is going to roll for that.

Meet My Friend Eddie

If you have known me longer than a minute you probably know that one of my very best friends here in Albuquerque is Eddie. Eddie and I worked together (more like survived together) at Mesa and have remained friends since I left. Eddie is one of the greatest guys I know and I absolutely adore him. One of Eddie's hobby is he is working on his modeling portfolio. He has done a few modeling sessions and one part in a movie. Although, I don't know what became of the movie; I'll have to ask.

Eddie, what ever became of the movie you were an extra in?

Back to the post. Recently Eddie had a modeling session and sent me some pictures from it and with his permission I am posting them here. Take a good look at that tattoo on his back it took a few years to complete and me rubbing a lot of baby butt paste on it. But it looks good.

PS: Ladies, my sister Debra claims rights to Eddie. She says she claimed him years ago and will fight for her right to oggle him.

Milestone Achievement

I told Kyle I would post this on the blog because it is a monumental achievement. We went to dinner tonight at Pacific Rim Asian Bistro. I have been wanting to go there for a few weeks and we were finally able to get our schedules together and go. I of course wanted to try their General Tso's chicken, I always try this at the Asian restaurants to see if it is worth having again and theirs was very good; nice and spicy. Kyle had some version of duck.

Here is the achievement part, he knows I am a big baby when it comes to trying new foods. Basically, I don't try new foods. He wanted me to try the California Roll but that was not going to happen. However, I did try the Miso Soup and his duck. Here is the kicker...I am still here. I did not gross out both were good, okay the Miso soup was a bit odd but still edible. The duck I had trouble identifying what part of the duck it was but it was still good.

Needless to say we were both rather proud of me for trying something different. I was not brave enough to attempt the sushi, the sushi menu read like my biology class. It was not good, it was just yuck.

Oh yeah and the waiter was a real cutie. I forgot to ask what team he played on for Harold but I think he was on my team.

Have a good weekend.

It's A Whole New World Today

Well it’s finally over with. The presidential elections have come and gone and I do not have to hear the saying “I’m so and so and I approve this message” for another couple of years. I don’t have to listen to radio ads or tv ads were they bash the other person anymore. And for that I am grateful.

I never expected how emotional this election would be for me. I try not to be an overly emotional person; try being the operative word in this sentence. But watching the events unfold last night was simply agonizing. So I did not watch anything on TV. Kyle emailed me when CNN and CBS announced Obama as the possible winner and Harold called me to tell me. he won So my friends kept me updated.

I can say this morning when I woke up and realized Obama was our new president I was so emotional and excited at the same time. In all my years of being able to vote I have never been passionate about one candidate or another, it was always picking the lesser of the two evils. But, every since Obama won his seat in the Senate I have really liked him; I like his persona, his energy, and most of all his vibration. And his youngest daughter is absolutely hysterically funny.

This election crossed more boundaries that as American’s we like to think do not exist. But, even in the 21st century many American’s based their entire beliefs based on the color of a person's skin and whether they are male or female. Some American’s still have very deep feelings about what a woman can and can not do in this world and some still feel that unless you are white you have no rights to the American dream. I can only hope that this election will help kill those thoughts and beliefs for good.

During this election season we saw Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin do a great job representing women in politics. They both gave 110% to their respected parties and for that I admire both of these ladies. Barack Obama did what no one could do and that was prove that Americans are able and ready to elect an African American into the White House. Americans told the world that we trust him to lead us into the future. We are entrusting him with the task of re building the credibility of America with the entire world. I know a lot of American’s think that if another country does not like us that is fine we should ignore them and never deal with them again. That may work in high school but not in the real world. In the real world we have to deal with other countries and their leaders, whether we believe in their way of life or not. So to have countries that see us as an enemy is not a good thing. 9/11 can happen again and if we have bad relations with other countries it is only giving their people more reasons to strike out at us.

On the radio this morning someone said “Doesn’t the world feel different today?” and it does. For the first time in many years I feel a difference, I feel like there is hope for America out there. I feel like we can now start the process of bringing our soldiers back home to their families and let those countries rebuild on their own. I feel like we can start to fix our education system so that our kids are not the dumbest ones on the planet. I feel like we can start to once again take care of our own people first and start rebuilding our economy so that the middle class (most of us) can actually save some money for the future instead of living pay check to pay check.

All I can say is this is how I am feeling today, November 5, 2008 and I hope this time next year, the year after that and all the way until 2012 I will still feel the same way.

Get Well Soon

I want to send out a big Get Well Soon hug to my sister Dina. She is recovery from mastectomy surgery. According to my mom she came through the surgery well, the 3 lymph nodes they removed were benign, which is great news. She has had a rough battle with the last few months but has come through it with flying colors and was incredibly brave through the whole ordeal.

So on that note:

Today's the Day

Today is Election Day, so all of you who did not vote early or absentee don't forget to get to the polls and vote.

This is the first election that I have been actively involved with and I am so excited about it. I don't know why, I think it may have something to do with working around people and having friends who actually value my opinion about the candidates and the issues. Not once has anyone dissed my opinion or gave me some insulting reason why my opinion does not matter (ie: Statics show that uneducated women vote for that person or issue.). Crap like that is what I was subjected to most of my life. If I did not go with the "popular" candidate in the household then I was of course wrong. Which strikes me as funny because if I think back on it the only people I have lived with that I recall voting were my parents. I don't recall any of the ex's actually ever voting. I recall hearing alot of opinions and bad mouthing but not any actual voting. Interesting.

Anyway, tonight will be a night full of anticipation for me. This is going to be a very long day. So don't forget to get out there and vote, if you live in America and are a legal citizen you have no reason for not voting. Besides if you want the privilege of bitching about the state of our government over the next 4 years you better have at least voted or you have no right to complain.

Peace everyone.

Halloween Pictures

Here are the kids dressed up for Halloween.

Danae the Fairy Princess

Joseph the Zombie

Devin aka Spiderman

The Whole Gang

Joseph, Devin, Danae and

Mom (the banana)

This Explains So Much

For all of you who think I am just a little off my rocker here is the explanation for that. As they say a pictures say a 1000 words.

Yes this is my mother dressed as a banana. And now you know why I have the issues I do. My mom is a banana.

Still Searching

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how I was going to do some casting for a good guy to come into my life. I have held off on doing this and I could not seem to figure out why. I was really into it and ready for it. But, it just did not seem to happen. I could not and still can not get up the gumption to do any casting. So as always I was thinking about it and I realized that whenever I am going to cast I start creating the spells and incantations in my sleep. A lot of time I will wake up and already know the entire ritual. This was not happening this time. In fact I could not come up with anything. So I figured the time is not right or it would be falling into place like always. So I will just hold off until it starts creating on its own.

Today, I was thinking about how will I know when the right person comes along. Thanks to #3 and his antics I can not fathom trusting another man again. I remember how it was when he actually liked me and did not blame for all the misery in his life. Back in the day when he was not ashamed to be married to me, when he would actually talk to me and was nice to me. I remember falling for all of that. Head over heels falling. I thought "This is what love is!" Coming home to a man who appreciated what I did for the family. Having someone who enjoyed spending time with me and wanted to be with me, to take trips with me and just live life with me. Someone who would kiss me for no reason other than I was standing there. Then it all changed and I was blamed for his debt, for the trips we took together, for purchases he made, everything. It was all now my fault and I was the cause of his down fall, his health problems, his financial problems, his weight issues, everything was my fault. In the last 24 months of our marriage there was no love. He no longer appreciated anything I did for the family, he was ashamed to be seen in public with me, he hated spending time with me and he would use any excuse to cause an argument in order to keep me away from him. And I thought "This is what love is? How did something so wonderful turn so terrible?"

So know I have no idea what love is and how I will recognize it. He tells me that I was the one who never wanted to be close and I was the one who pushed him away and never let him "give" me things. That may be true to a point, but what part does he take the blame for? From what I have seen and heard none. So based on this past experience how do you find love? How do you know it is real? I can't give myself to a man for another 7 years only to get kicked in the dirt when he changes his mind. But the flip side of the coin is I don't want to live the rest of my life alone without a companion, a partner, a lover and most of all a best friend. I guess this is my true test in life, will I actually recognize REAL LOVE when it comes and not the fake glamorized love that I have experienced way too much of in this lifetime.

Dia de Los Muertos

Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos is celebrated on November 1st and 2nd of every year. The Catholic religion calls it All Saints Day; the metaphysical world considers the night of Halloween and the morning of Day of the Dead to be the time of year when the veil between our world and the other side is the thinnest. This allows the spirits easier access to coming back and visiting. What do I think? Well, as someone who lives in a house that always has ghostly activity this week has been a bit off, I have experienced unexplained crashes in the middle of the night, lights left on after I turned them off, noises I can’t identify, constant chattering…basically the usual.

But here in New Mexico and in the Hispanic community Day of the Dead is a big deal, it is a day and night set aside to remember those loved ones who have died. They go to the cemetery and set up elaborate displays with decorations, flowers and lots of food. They will place toys on the grave of lost children and Tequila on everyone else’s. Personally, they had me at cemetery and food. Whatever fabulous ancient Mayan thought of this idea should be canonized as a saint in my book.

Here in Albuquerque and Santa Fe you can find complete stores dedicated to Day of the Dead. They have little dioramas of various events with skeletons. My favorite is the funeral. But can I find it again to actually buy it…NO. But, I will keep looking. The always-popular skeleton bride and groom can be found most anywhere in New Mexico as can the Grateful Dead diorama. You can always find the sugar skulls as well; they are very elaborately decorated with candied flowers and chocolate.

So if you thought once Halloween was over there was nothing left to celebrate until Thanksgiving you were wrong. You have the rest of today and tomorrow to celebrate those who have crossed over, so head to the cemetery with a blanket and some food and have fun.