I had my first class tonight. I am now on the road to an associates degree so that I can start funeral school. So what is my first college class? Could it be Literature? American History? Art History? Government? No No No. It is Math 550.
Now for those of you who have been out of college a while most classes started off with a number of say 1001 or 1101 not 550. This as my son would so eloquently put it is the Pre Kindergarten of Math. I went to the college last week to sign up, but, before they let you take classes you have to spend the entire day in the administration offices doing things like taking the orientation about the school. Thank God this was a little video you watched on the computer, but, I am not lying I had to take a test on the orientation to make sure I understood what they were talking about. Of course, my thought was "How stupid are our kids?" The orientation told me things like where to park, where to eat, and how to use the library. Do we have college kids who would not understand this?
Well after my orientation I was sent to take "Accuplacer Tests" these are tests (once again online) that tell them how much you know and where you should be put. I tested on Math, English and Comprehension. As you probably guessed the English and Comprehension I got flying colors on. I was college level on those. Well at 40 I should know something right. But, the Math was another story altogether.
I sat down and was prepared to take the test. In case you did not know it I am petrified of numbers. They scare the crap out of me. When I was in high school, you know before they had computers in every class. The only kids who took algebra or anything above that were the smart nerdy kids. I did have to take basic algebra but I failed it 4 times. By the 4th time the counselor told me I should have the answers memorized by then and promptly put me into the basic math class. This was the class where they taught us how to do our taxes, compare prices and balance our checkbooks. I still do my own taxes to this day because of that class and the fact that H&R Block is online and does everything for you.
But, back to testing, the questions start to appear in front of. After question 1 I knew I was in trouble. Sometime between 1986 when I graduated and 2008 when I was testing they replaced numbers with letters. I do not know how this happened and I am sure some dead mathematicians are really pissed off. But they had questions like 3x+2y-5x+8y. What the hell does this mean? What are these letters for? My other favorites were ones like z + 3 × (8 - z). I have no idea what the z means or the x means. Well, I actually gave them meaning but it was more in the lines of a bad word and I think that falls into the English class.
So how did I do on the test? Obviously I failed it. I guessed on every question and I am woman enough to admit it. Besides the advisor kind of already knew I guessed since they were all wrong. You would have thought with guessing I would have gotten at least one right. But apparently my lack of math carries over into percentages of trial and error. So as nicely as he could he told me that the lowest math class I could take was Math 550. I thought "Wow College Math, I am smart after all." Oh how silly I was.
I arrived tonight for my first class. Now mind you these students have already been in the class for 2 weeks so I was pretty far behind. But, it was what they call a "self paced" class. This means that you do not have a teacher lecturing you or giving instructions. There is a teacher if you need help but basically you sit down open your workbook and start working. I had 2 hours in this class. I opened my new workbook, got out my new pencils and my new calculator. Only to be told that we are not allowed to use calculators in this class. WHAT, how am I suppose to know the answers. Guess what? They want you to figure it out on your own...like Pre Kindergarten. I had to write out the problems and answers.
Do you have any idea how much we rely on calculators and computers? Let me tell you..ALOT. I got the basic adding down, even I could do that. But when it came to subtraction I was a bit nervous, I did fine on the smaller numbers but they use numbers in the millions. Then there was multiplication again they use numbers in the millions. I sat in this class for 2 hours and worked the entire time I was there and I am not done with Chapter 1 yet. My brain actually hurt when I left there.
So what is my point? Well for 2 hours I felt sorry for every kid that I hassled about doing their homework on their own. Every time my son said "You don't understand how hard it is." Which I promptly replied "Of course I do, I was in school too you know." Well, I did not know. These kids today are asked to math that we probably never saw before, unless you are my brother in law, Frank who is a scientist at NASA. He has probably seen the math before and he probably still uses is at work. But seriously folks, how many of us are going to be NASA scientists? Not me. So for the next few weeks anyways, I will feel sorry for the kids out there who have to deal with this. I know that in 4-5 weeks my time will be done, but they have to do it for months at a time and are expected to retain that knowledge until they graduate.
So I say hats off to everyone in school who can answer the algebra questions and know what the x,y and z stand for.
Posted by
Cynthia
Monday, January 28, 2008
Several months ago I was told by the guides that the time for making others happy has come to an end. My life should no longer revolve around making people around me happy. I do not need to worry about it anymore. This is good in theory, but, I am the type of person who is usually the nice guy. I like to make people happy, I can be out shopping and see something that reminds me of them and I will get it for a gift just to make them happy.
Well every since the guides mentioned this whenever I fall off the "happy wagon" and do something I am gently reminded not to do it again. If it is something that really effects my life it is a harsher reminder. For instance, several months ago I was not in the best of moods, it was a pretty black mood and I was going to stay home from work. But, since Friday was bagel day and I usually picked up the bagels for the office. I decided to go in so that my boss would not have to make a trip over there. In essence I was going in to make her happy by not having to deal with the bagels. What happened you ask? Well my day quickly went from bad to worse. Everyone I dealt with was rude or nasty. I got bitched at by a co worker for mentioning that she sent Reike to another co workers pet. Apparently she was uncomfortable doing this and did not want them to know. WHATEVER. The point was that the guides were harshly pointing out that by making others happy I was wasting my energy. So I took the rest of the day off.
Every so often I will do something and get reminded. Such as with #3 if I do something I am gently reminded by having him totally piss me off by making suggestions such as; I should get into shape and become a high class escort and make $300 a night or I should become a dominatrix because some guys like to be abused. Things like this. At first I could not figure out what the hell he was doing. Why would someone who was suppose to love me or at least care for me suggesting I sell myself to the people that consider a $300 a night whore high class? Then it would dawn on me, I must have done something in an attempt to please him that day. Whether it was get him information for one of his many projects or answer one of his many questions about something. With #3 he does not want me as a wife or companion he wants me as his secretary and day laborer.
So what did I do yesterday, I was at the post office mailing a package and I had the stupid idea that I would check the mailbox and drop off his mail and save him a trip over there. Since our post office box is nowhere near where we have ever lived it can be a pain to go over there. I got the mail and called him on my way out; as usual he did not answer the phone; but he did call me back. I explained that I had picked up his mail and I could drop it off to him while I was out. As I was driving to his house I get another call from him, he wanted to know where I was, because this was very inconvenient for him. He could not decide if he should make his breakfast or not, he wanted to go to the gym, the world was now crashing around his little feet because I was dropping off his mail. At first I was hurt, I was trying to be nice and do him a favor but as always, I was nothing more than a bug on his windshield. I was just a nuisance to him and causing his day to start off bad. Then I got PISSED and when I say PISSED I mean if he had been in front of my car I would have made him the bug on the windshield. That is how pissed I was. All I could do was laugh. It must be terrible to be so single task oriented that you can't handle someone stopping by to hand you mail while you stuff your face. It must be terrible to know that before you go to the gym you will have to answer the door so someone can hand you something. I know he was not worried that I would see his apartment messy or catch him with a girl because I do not go into his apartment. This is just the way he is. He has a schedule and you are never allowed to add anything to it. So I took the mailbox key off my keyring and gave it to him with his mail. That mistake won't happen again.
So the day continues I forget about it and move on. If this is the way he wants to be fine. But I did not need to be reminded of how much he disliked me and how much he only wanted to talk to me when he needs something. So I get home last night after spending the entire day registering for college and I am exhausted. There is email from #3; at first I was stupid enough to think was emailing to ask how my day went in the job search or at the very least apologize for being such a jerk that morning. But that is not how our relationship is. The email was once again a request for information. Can you guess what information he wanted? No! Nothing comes to mind. Well here is the email he sent word for word:
"Cyn, What day, month, and year did we officially separate,...wasn't during memorial weekend? Not the day we signed separation papers, but the day the relationship ended (even though it was over the summer or two before that). J"
I read it and get teary eyed; not over the loss of the man I loved but because I wasted 7 years with this person. First he can't remember the day he toppled my world, he should be able to since he waited until I came back from vacation and had spent 17 hours driving. Then he has to be so rude as to throw in there that it was over before he broke it up. Like that is going to make me feel so much better over all the hassle he has created for me.
It is moments like this that I am so glad I do not have a man in my life because I am sure I would have taken my disgust out on him just because he is a man. Oh yeah, and my response to his email was "I don't know. Why?" he has not had the courtesy to respond. That would be because I am no use to him at the moment. Since I could not answer his question I am therefore not worthy of talking to. And in case he is reading this, Yes , I do know the date and the time and the sun alignment at the precise moment you handed me the "Dear John" letter. But, if you can't remember something that important in our relationship I am certainly not going to tell you. That one you can figure out for yourself.
So what did I learn yesterday? I learned that once they hurt you so badly that you actually plan to put a curse on them you should never think about them again. Walk away and don't look back. Because that is exactly what they did with you. Well until they need help, then you are the most important person in their life.
Well every since the guides mentioned this whenever I fall off the "happy wagon" and do something I am gently reminded not to do it again. If it is something that really effects my life it is a harsher reminder. For instance, several months ago I was not in the best of moods, it was a pretty black mood and I was going to stay home from work. But, since Friday was bagel day and I usually picked up the bagels for the office. I decided to go in so that my boss would not have to make a trip over there. In essence I was going in to make her happy by not having to deal with the bagels. What happened you ask? Well my day quickly went from bad to worse. Everyone I dealt with was rude or nasty. I got bitched at by a co worker for mentioning that she sent Reike to another co workers pet. Apparently she was uncomfortable doing this and did not want them to know. WHATEVER. The point was that the guides were harshly pointing out that by making others happy I was wasting my energy. So I took the rest of the day off.
Every so often I will do something and get reminded. Such as with #3 if I do something I am gently reminded by having him totally piss me off by making suggestions such as; I should get into shape and become a high class escort and make $300 a night or I should become a dominatrix because some guys like to be abused. Things like this. At first I could not figure out what the hell he was doing. Why would someone who was suppose to love me or at least care for me suggesting I sell myself to the people that consider a $300 a night whore high class? Then it would dawn on me, I must have done something in an attempt to please him that day. Whether it was get him information for one of his many projects or answer one of his many questions about something. With #3 he does not want me as a wife or companion he wants me as his secretary and day laborer.
So what did I do yesterday, I was at the post office mailing a package and I had the stupid idea that I would check the mailbox and drop off his mail and save him a trip over there. Since our post office box is nowhere near where we have ever lived it can be a pain to go over there. I got the mail and called him on my way out; as usual he did not answer the phone; but he did call me back. I explained that I had picked up his mail and I could drop it off to him while I was out. As I was driving to his house I get another call from him, he wanted to know where I was, because this was very inconvenient for him. He could not decide if he should make his breakfast or not, he wanted to go to the gym, the world was now crashing around his little feet because I was dropping off his mail. At first I was hurt, I was trying to be nice and do him a favor but as always, I was nothing more than a bug on his windshield. I was just a nuisance to him and causing his day to start off bad. Then I got PISSED and when I say PISSED I mean if he had been in front of my car I would have made him the bug on the windshield. That is how pissed I was. All I could do was laugh. It must be terrible to be so single task oriented that you can't handle someone stopping by to hand you mail while you stuff your face. It must be terrible to know that before you go to the gym you will have to answer the door so someone can hand you something. I know he was not worried that I would see his apartment messy or catch him with a girl because I do not go into his apartment. This is just the way he is. He has a schedule and you are never allowed to add anything to it. So I took the mailbox key off my keyring and gave it to him with his mail. That mistake won't happen again.
So the day continues I forget about it and move on. If this is the way he wants to be fine. But I did not need to be reminded of how much he disliked me and how much he only wanted to talk to me when he needs something. So I get home last night after spending the entire day registering for college and I am exhausted. There is email from #3; at first I was stupid enough to think was emailing to ask how my day went in the job search or at the very least apologize for being such a jerk that morning. But that is not how our relationship is. The email was once again a request for information. Can you guess what information he wanted? No! Nothing comes to mind. Well here is the email he sent word for word:
"Cyn, What day, month, and year did we officially separate,...wasn't during memorial weekend? Not the day we signed separation papers, but the day the relationship ended (even though it was over the summer or two before that). J"
I read it and get teary eyed; not over the loss of the man I loved but because I wasted 7 years with this person. First he can't remember the day he toppled my world, he should be able to since he waited until I came back from vacation and had spent 17 hours driving. Then he has to be so rude as to throw in there that it was over before he broke it up. Like that is going to make me feel so much better over all the hassle he has created for me.
It is moments like this that I am so glad I do not have a man in my life because I am sure I would have taken my disgust out on him just because he is a man. Oh yeah, and my response to his email was "I don't know. Why?" he has not had the courtesy to respond. That would be because I am no use to him at the moment. Since I could not answer his question I am therefore not worthy of talking to. And in case he is reading this, Yes , I do know the date and the time and the sun alignment at the precise moment you handed me the "Dear John" letter. But, if you can't remember something that important in our relationship I am certainly not going to tell you. That one you can figure out for yourself.
So what did I learn yesterday? I learned that once they hurt you so badly that you actually plan to put a curse on them you should never think about them again. Walk away and don't look back. Because that is exactly what they did with you. Well until they need help, then you are the most important person in their life.
Posted by
Cynthia
Saturday, January 26, 2008
There is an old saying "All Good Things Must Come to An End". I both agree and disagree with this statement. Why does it have to come to an end? What is the point of ending something that is good?
Well for me the good thing ending was my job at Mesa. After 6 years I left last Thursday. Now you are probably asking...Was Mesa a good thing? Well it was at the beginning. It was my first major job here in Albuquerque. I met a lot of people who are still in my life and I have many friends from there. It was also the place that gave me the skills to open my own billing practice. It also gave the me great ability to street diagnosis any psychosis out there.
But as most good things do it started to turn towards the end. There were several staff members who's only function in the office was making others miserable. My mom has a name for these types of people "pot stirrers". They are people who go into a place and make comments, do things and just basically agitate people while they stand back and watch the fun. They never take responsibility for their actions and for some unexplainable reason they are very often not reprimanded for their actions. These types of people have no purpose on this planet other than to annoy those of us who are trying to make it a nice place.
Another issue that arose towards the end was jealousy. This was something I learned about during my recent trip to Jerome Arizona. I had an amazing reading with a great woman and she told me that the recent betrayal I experienced was due to jealousy. Of course I had no idea what she had to be jealous of. But after thinking on it and talking to some friends I realized this is a person who is always unhappy with her life. Nothing is ever going her way and she thrives on being the office martyr. I concluded that she has a form of Munchausen Syndrome; but instead of hurting her children (which she has none) she strikes out at others in the office so that she can get the attention of solving the situation. It also allows her to have; according to her; another employee that does not like her.
At first I was madder than Tau with wet feet. I had a million scenarios of mean things to do and say. But, then I stopped to think about it. This was what I wanted, I manifested this on my own. I had been seriously thinking of leaving for weeks and had been actively job hunting so this was of my own making. I did not like the idea of them beating me to the punch but I got the better of the deal. I was given severance pay, plus my 401k money. So I am able to take my time in looking for a job instead of being miserable while I find one.
One of my main concerns about leaving was what the story would be about my absence. I know these people. Gail has been gone for 2 years now, but, they have never said anything to anyone. However, they did let certain rumors get around so that people thought she was a bad employee. So to counter this action I called point people at the company and told them before any announcement was made what happened and why I accepted their offer. I then sent an email to the President of the company and the Vice President tell them as well. I feel vindicated by this. I also have to keep in mind that these are people who have worked with me for 6 years, they know what I am like and they know how I operate. I have to keep in mind that if they think less of me because of what one unhappy person thinks than that is their problem and I can't change that.
So for now I am hitting the streets and interviewing all over town. I am waiting for the perfect job to come my way. I want a job that will allow me to live comfortably and enjoy life. Instead of job that pays me enough to pay my bills and that is about it.
Well for me the good thing ending was my job at Mesa. After 6 years I left last Thursday. Now you are probably asking...Was Mesa a good thing? Well it was at the beginning. It was my first major job here in Albuquerque. I met a lot of people who are still in my life and I have many friends from there. It was also the place that gave me the skills to open my own billing practice. It also gave the me great ability to street diagnosis any psychosis out there.
But as most good things do it started to turn towards the end. There were several staff members who's only function in the office was making others miserable. My mom has a name for these types of people "pot stirrers". They are people who go into a place and make comments, do things and just basically agitate people while they stand back and watch the fun. They never take responsibility for their actions and for some unexplainable reason they are very often not reprimanded for their actions. These types of people have no purpose on this planet other than to annoy those of us who are trying to make it a nice place.
Another issue that arose towards the end was jealousy. This was something I learned about during my recent trip to Jerome Arizona. I had an amazing reading with a great woman and she told me that the recent betrayal I experienced was due to jealousy. Of course I had no idea what she had to be jealous of. But after thinking on it and talking to some friends I realized this is a person who is always unhappy with her life. Nothing is ever going her way and she thrives on being the office martyr. I concluded that she has a form of Munchausen Syndrome; but instead of hurting her children (which she has none) she strikes out at others in the office so that she can get the attention of solving the situation. It also allows her to have; according to her; another employee that does not like her.
At first I was madder than Tau with wet feet. I had a million scenarios of mean things to do and say. But, then I stopped to think about it. This was what I wanted, I manifested this on my own. I had been seriously thinking of leaving for weeks and had been actively job hunting so this was of my own making. I did not like the idea of them beating me to the punch but I got the better of the deal. I was given severance pay, plus my 401k money. So I am able to take my time in looking for a job instead of being miserable while I find one.
One of my main concerns about leaving was what the story would be about my absence. I know these people. Gail has been gone for 2 years now, but, they have never said anything to anyone. However, they did let certain rumors get around so that people thought she was a bad employee. So to counter this action I called point people at the company and told them before any announcement was made what happened and why I accepted their offer. I then sent an email to the President of the company and the Vice President tell them as well. I feel vindicated by this. I also have to keep in mind that these are people who have worked with me for 6 years, they know what I am like and they know how I operate. I have to keep in mind that if they think less of me because of what one unhappy person thinks than that is their problem and I can't change that.
So for now I am hitting the streets and interviewing all over town. I am waiting for the perfect job to come my way. I want a job that will allow me to live comfortably and enjoy life. Instead of job that pays me enough to pay my bills and that is about it.
Posted by
Cynthia
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Road to 40 has concluded. As of 5am yesterday I turned 40 years old. And, let me tell you it feels great. I hit the road about 9am and headed West. I could not have asked for a better day. It was cold but Sunny, the road was clear and the sky was blue. As I came into Gallup, New Mexico there was snow on the ground but not the highway. Thank God! I will tell you there are some serious PTSD issues around ice on the road. I saw the snow and started to panic but I reigned myself in and stayed calmed and carried on.
As I crossed over into Arizona the weather stayed great and the temps got a bit warmer. I was reminded ever so gently that me and fast food are not a good match. As I approached Flagstaff the snow appeared again in much more quantities than in Gallup. Again on the ground, roofs, and cars but none on the streets. It was breath taking to see all the white beauty around me.
I turned South at Flagstaff and turned onto 89A headed towards Sedona, Arizona (http://www.visitsedona.com/). My mecca for peace and relaxation. I really intended to take the highway down into Sedona, however, I got caught up in reading the directional signs I did not realize that was the mountain road. As I mentioned earlier I have an issue with icy roads and I started to panic a bit when I realized what I had done. But it was so beautiful I could not make myself turn around so I continued on.
Now, I do not have much experience driving on mountain roads, anytime in the past I would pull over and let #3 drive since he was more experienced at it than I was and I always assumed it would be safer to have a calm driver than one having a panic attack. So this was the first time I had actually drove down the mountain road all alone. I did very well and enjoyed it immensely with my Popera (ie: Josh Groban, Il Divo, Bond, etc.) blaring and the sun shining.
I arrived in the shopping district of Sedona and called up my girlfriend Deb who was joining me on this trip. She had already arrived and was waiting at the hotel for me to get there. We started out by shopping every metaphysical store we could find. I was on the hunt for gems and crystals and anything the felt right. After shopping and wandering we went to celebrate my birthday at a local mexican restaurant. The food was great and atmosphere was relaxing after a margarita and lots of food we headed out for more shopping, this time at the outlet mall. Alas we found no great treasures there but, we had just started.
Once the sun set in Sedona it got cold really fast. So we headed back to the hotel to check our emails and see what we wanted to do next. I should tell you that Deb and I are the worst decisions makers known to man. We come up with ideas but neither of us can make the actual decision to do it. Since both of us had driven 5 hours that day and Deb had come in from Tulsa the night before we decided to stay in and watch movies.
Sunday we had big plans but since we are both horrible at decisions we ended up staying bed talking and catching up on each others lives most of the morning. We did get up and head up to Jerome, Arizona (http://www.azjerome.com/) about 45 minutes away from Sedona. This town is literally on the side of a mountain. It is an old mining town that is now home to bed and breakfast hotels, art gallerys and a ton of jewelry shops.
One of my main objectives on this trip was to replace my wedding ring. Not with another wedding ring but with a ring of my own choosing. When #3 and I split I took off my wedding ring and it drove me nuts. I realized that is because I have always had a ring on that finger; even when I was not married. I replaced my wedding ring with another one and I realized that he had given me that ring to. So I really wanted a ring that was not from any ex but one that I picked for myself. I found a ring at this shop in Jerome that is silver (my favorite for jewelry) and amethyst with 2 diamonds on each side.
My Road to 40 celebration ended on a high note. I had to head back to Albuquerque and back to my own world. I learned several things about myself on the trip, I made several decisions on the trip but most of all I just enjoyed the trip. I can't wait to hit the road again for my next adventure. But, I may wait until it is a bit warmer all around.
As I crossed over into Arizona the weather stayed great and the temps got a bit warmer. I was reminded ever so gently that me and fast food are not a good match. As I approached Flagstaff the snow appeared again in much more quantities than in Gallup. Again on the ground, roofs, and cars but none on the streets. It was breath taking to see all the white beauty around me.
I turned South at Flagstaff and turned onto 89A headed towards Sedona, Arizona (http://www.visitsedona.com/). My mecca for peace and relaxation. I really intended to take the highway down into Sedona, however, I got caught up in reading the directional signs I did not realize that was the mountain road. As I mentioned earlier I have an issue with icy roads and I started to panic a bit when I realized what I had done. But it was so beautiful I could not make myself turn around so I continued on.
Now, I do not have much experience driving on mountain roads, anytime in the past I would pull over and let #3 drive since he was more experienced at it than I was and I always assumed it would be safer to have a calm driver than one having a panic attack. So this was the first time I had actually drove down the mountain road all alone. I did very well and enjoyed it immensely with my Popera (ie: Josh Groban, Il Divo, Bond, etc.) blaring and the sun shining.
I arrived in the shopping district of Sedona and called up my girlfriend Deb who was joining me on this trip. She had already arrived and was waiting at the hotel for me to get there. We started out by shopping every metaphysical store we could find. I was on the hunt for gems and crystals and anything the felt right. After shopping and wandering we went to celebrate my birthday at a local mexican restaurant. The food was great and atmosphere was relaxing after a margarita and lots of food we headed out for more shopping, this time at the outlet mall. Alas we found no great treasures there but, we had just started.
Once the sun set in Sedona it got cold really fast. So we headed back to the hotel to check our emails and see what we wanted to do next. I should tell you that Deb and I are the worst decisions makers known to man. We come up with ideas but neither of us can make the actual decision to do it. Since both of us had driven 5 hours that day and Deb had come in from Tulsa the night before we decided to stay in and watch movies.
Sunday we had big plans but since we are both horrible at decisions we ended up staying bed talking and catching up on each others lives most of the morning. We did get up and head up to Jerome, Arizona (http://www.azjerome.com/) about 45 minutes away from Sedona. This town is literally on the side of a mountain. It is an old mining town that is now home to bed and breakfast hotels, art gallerys and a ton of jewelry shops.
One of my main objectives on this trip was to replace my wedding ring. Not with another wedding ring but with a ring of my own choosing. When #3 and I split I took off my wedding ring and it drove me nuts. I realized that is because I have always had a ring on that finger; even when I was not married. I replaced my wedding ring with another one and I realized that he had given me that ring to. So I really wanted a ring that was not from any ex but one that I picked for myself. I found a ring at this shop in Jerome that is silver (my favorite for jewelry) and amethyst with 2 diamonds on each side.
My Road to 40 celebration ended on a high note. I had to head back to Albuquerque and back to my own world. I learned several things about myself on the trip, I made several decisions on the trip but most of all I just enjoyed the trip. I can't wait to hit the road again for my next adventure. But, I may wait until it is a bit warmer all around.
Posted by
Cynthia
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The holidays were in full swing and I was in full depression mood when it dawned on me that this was the first christmas in my entire life that I was alone. I went from my parents house to having a kid at 19. So I have never been alone on christmas before and it was weird.
In an odd sort of way it was how I wanted it. I was too depressed to have the energy to deal with anyone. I did not want to participate in anything. I declined invitations to party's and get together's just because I was too damn depressed to deal with it all.
I went to my doctor and she gave me some anti depressants and you know what they did? Made me more depressed. Seriously, I was ready to do myself in almost every day. Until I figured it out and stopped taking them. I started lying to everyone and telling them that I was fine with the holidays and being alone. It was what I wanted and in reality it was. It was just not a healthy reality.
The first thing I had planned for December was the office christmas party. I could not figure out how I was going to manage it, going alone without my spouse wonderful. But, I did it. I accepted an invitation to be picked up and given a ride and I went to the party. It was not bad, in fact, dare I say, I enjoyed myself. The next event was the holiday party for the funeral home. This I planned on going to all along because I love these people. It was a fancy get together at the Marriott. I took my safe date, Phyllis and we had a great time. Everyone in attendance was given gifts so that was nice. I talked to people that I knew and listened to them give presentations. I left feeling really good about it all.
As the month progressed I threw myself into working so that I would not get too depressed. I forced myself to keep the tree up until christmas. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw that damn Whoville Tree away but I didn't. I made plans to have dinner with friends and we had a great time. I got presents for the dogs that they loved. Of course now they think that every time a bag comes in the house it has gifts for them.
As the month came to a close this was the first year in a long time that when christmas was over I was not disappointed. This was the first year that I did not spend the holiday creating the perfect christmas only to have it never happen. So when December 26th came along and I was on my way to work, I did not feel sad that there were no christmas songs on the radio anymore. I didn't think how I was going to miss the lights up on the houses. In fact on my way to work on December 26th I did not think about anything except the day ahead of me and the fact that I made it through the holidays without doing any damage.
My first New Years was spent the same way, at home, with friends who love me and care about me and want what is best for me. I was asleep New Years Eve by 10pm and it was not because I was depressed and wanted the day to end, like most of the previous years, it was because I was tired. I spent January 1, 2008 looking at my new life and my new status as a single woman about to turn 40 and I was okay with it.
I did not make any resolutions because I have enough issues with disappointment why set myself up for more. But I did decided what I wanted to eliminate from my life in 2008; 1)people who are in my life because they use to be part of it. If their part is over I need to eradicate them from my life and not allow them any of my energy. 2) I want to eliminate the feeling that I need to make other people happy, because I don't. If you are important to me and you are special enough to be in my life then I will make you happy and I won't have to think about it, it will be natural. 3) I want to spend the next 365 days focused on what I want out of life and how do I get it. Not what me and someone else wants out of life and how do we get it. Just me and me alone.
In an odd sort of way it was how I wanted it. I was too depressed to have the energy to deal with anyone. I did not want to participate in anything. I declined invitations to party's and get together's just because I was too damn depressed to deal with it all.
I went to my doctor and she gave me some anti depressants and you know what they did? Made me more depressed. Seriously, I was ready to do myself in almost every day. Until I figured it out and stopped taking them. I started lying to everyone and telling them that I was fine with the holidays and being alone. It was what I wanted and in reality it was. It was just not a healthy reality.
The first thing I had planned for December was the office christmas party. I could not figure out how I was going to manage it, going alone without my spouse wonderful. But, I did it. I accepted an invitation to be picked up and given a ride and I went to the party. It was not bad, in fact, dare I say, I enjoyed myself. The next event was the holiday party for the funeral home. This I planned on going to all along because I love these people. It was a fancy get together at the Marriott. I took my safe date, Phyllis and we had a great time. Everyone in attendance was given gifts so that was nice. I talked to people that I knew and listened to them give presentations. I left feeling really good about it all.
As the month progressed I threw myself into working so that I would not get too depressed. I forced myself to keep the tree up until christmas. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw that damn Whoville Tree away but I didn't. I made plans to have dinner with friends and we had a great time. I got presents for the dogs that they loved. Of course now they think that every time a bag comes in the house it has gifts for them.
As the month came to a close this was the first year in a long time that when christmas was over I was not disappointed. This was the first year that I did not spend the holiday creating the perfect christmas only to have it never happen. So when December 26th came along and I was on my way to work, I did not feel sad that there were no christmas songs on the radio anymore. I didn't think how I was going to miss the lights up on the houses. In fact on my way to work on December 26th I did not think about anything except the day ahead of me and the fact that I made it through the holidays without doing any damage.
My first New Years was spent the same way, at home, with friends who love me and care about me and want what is best for me. I was asleep New Years Eve by 10pm and it was not because I was depressed and wanted the day to end, like most of the previous years, it was because I was tired. I spent January 1, 2008 looking at my new life and my new status as a single woman about to turn 40 and I was okay with it.
I did not make any resolutions because I have enough issues with disappointment why set myself up for more. But I did decided what I wanted to eliminate from my life in 2008; 1)people who are in my life because they use to be part of it. If their part is over I need to eradicate them from my life and not allow them any of my energy. 2) I want to eliminate the feeling that I need to make other people happy, because I don't. If you are important to me and you are special enough to be in my life then I will make you happy and I won't have to think about it, it will be natural. 3) I want to spend the next 365 days focused on what I want out of life and how do I get it. Not what me and someone else wants out of life and how do we get it. Just me and me alone.
Posted by
Cynthia
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Well as it so often happens in the world of single people I have gotten dumped. It has been a long time since I was dumped by anyone. Well at least someone I was not married too. But none the less I was dumped.
As you can probably tell I am not too heart broken over it. Seriously we only went on a few dates so it was not something that kept me up crying into my pillow. But let me tell you what I have discovered about dating and me.
I had this particular gentleman over to my house a few times. The first time was really weird for me because I realized I hate people to touch me. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have some psychosis on touching; it just bugs the crap out of me. Here is how it went down.
First off he arrives and gives me a hug and small kiss, I am fine. He comes in says hi to the dogs and we sit around talking for awhile. As the evening progresses he starts off by lightly touching my leg, then my arms and then my hair. Ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you NEVER NEVER NEVER touch Cindy's hair. I absolutely hate this. I have no idea why but once when #3 and I had just gotten married and we were out and about he reached over and started massaging my neck. I swear to all that is holy I honestly thought he was trying to kill me. I am guessing I had a past life experience where someone killed my by way of my neck. I'm thinking guillotine, it would explain this twisted fascination I have had with them and how the body responds to a sudden loss of the head. Think about it...does your head die right away or is there a lay over for a second or two and can you see your body lying there. Okay this was a serious question I had as a teen that grossed out everyone I knew but I wanted to know. Okay back to the story.
So we make it through the evening without me taking off his arms for touching me but I was really annoyed. It drove me nuts to have him constantly rubbing on me. So I called a few people I know and asked them about this oddity. And every one of them said the same thing "Yeah, Cyn you do not like to be touched. AT ALL." Well I let this go to deal with in therapy and moved on.
Anyway, things moved on but not to a level that he wanted. Like most men he wanted a little something something and like most men I know he was not going to get it from me. He also had this silly notion that when you are seeing a person you should actually see them. But when I am going through a difficult personal crisis I do two things, I work myself into an early grave and fall back on my faith. I am doing both, I am working as much as I possibly can and I am casting as much as I can. Both of these are going really well, I am getting very good at them. Which is great for those of you close to me whom I adore but those of you who are not on my good list may want to think twice about pissing me off in the future. Anyway, I got this very nice email after he realized I was working another weekend that said he was sorry but he needed someone he could spend more time with and who made him the top priority in their life.
My initial response was "Oh, I'm sorry" that lasted about 2 milliseconds then I said "Okay, see ya." First off there is never going to be another guy that will be top priority in my life except my son and dog. I have done that three times and we know where that got me. And second my life is all about working and making money right now. Until I am out of debt and able to see a clear path, I can't take off weekends and spend them playing. Sorry but that is life and I am usually up front about it.
So this being both my first experience with a man after the big separation and my first experience with being dumped since the separation am I hurt by it. Hell no, after the way #3 dumped me and proceeded to tell me everything he hated about me (and continues to do so whenever he gets the chance) this was a sweet break up. He told me how much he liked me and enjoyed being with me, he did a break up the right way. I have no desire to turn him into a blubbery idiot like I do a few of the other ex's. In fact if he called tomorrow and asked me out I would probably seriously consider it.
So for my first post divorce encounter this was nice, I will not be so worried in the future. I will work on my touching issues, which my shrink assures me is caused by the fact that every time I allow myself to let down the walls and let someone in they violate that trust by turning against me. So according to her it is all very understandable and once I learn to trust someone I let them touch me and get to know me. So there is hope, unless you are one of the ones who have hurt me in the past then you just need to considered yourself toast.
As you can probably tell I am not too heart broken over it. Seriously we only went on a few dates so it was not something that kept me up crying into my pillow. But let me tell you what I have discovered about dating and me.
I had this particular gentleman over to my house a few times. The first time was really weird for me because I realized I hate people to touch me. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have some psychosis on touching; it just bugs the crap out of me. Here is how it went down.
First off he arrives and gives me a hug and small kiss, I am fine. He comes in says hi to the dogs and we sit around talking for awhile. As the evening progresses he starts off by lightly touching my leg, then my arms and then my hair. Ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you NEVER NEVER NEVER touch Cindy's hair. I absolutely hate this. I have no idea why but once when #3 and I had just gotten married and we were out and about he reached over and started massaging my neck. I swear to all that is holy I honestly thought he was trying to kill me. I am guessing I had a past life experience where someone killed my by way of my neck. I'm thinking guillotine, it would explain this twisted fascination I have had with them and how the body responds to a sudden loss of the head. Think about it...does your head die right away or is there a lay over for a second or two and can you see your body lying there. Okay this was a serious question I had as a teen that grossed out everyone I knew but I wanted to know. Okay back to the story.
So we make it through the evening without me taking off his arms for touching me but I was really annoyed. It drove me nuts to have him constantly rubbing on me. So I called a few people I know and asked them about this oddity. And every one of them said the same thing "Yeah, Cyn you do not like to be touched. AT ALL." Well I let this go to deal with in therapy and moved on.
Anyway, things moved on but not to a level that he wanted. Like most men he wanted a little something something and like most men I know he was not going to get it from me. He also had this silly notion that when you are seeing a person you should actually see them. But when I am going through a difficult personal crisis I do two things, I work myself into an early grave and fall back on my faith. I am doing both, I am working as much as I possibly can and I am casting as much as I can. Both of these are going really well, I am getting very good at them. Which is great for those of you close to me whom I adore but those of you who are not on my good list may want to think twice about pissing me off in the future. Anyway, I got this very nice email after he realized I was working another weekend that said he was sorry but he needed someone he could spend more time with and who made him the top priority in their life.
My initial response was "Oh, I'm sorry" that lasted about 2 milliseconds then I said "Okay, see ya." First off there is never going to be another guy that will be top priority in my life except my son and dog. I have done that three times and we know where that got me. And second my life is all about working and making money right now. Until I am out of debt and able to see a clear path, I can't take off weekends and spend them playing. Sorry but that is life and I am usually up front about it.
So this being both my first experience with a man after the big separation and my first experience with being dumped since the separation am I hurt by it. Hell no, after the way #3 dumped me and proceeded to tell me everything he hated about me (and continues to do so whenever he gets the chance) this was a sweet break up. He told me how much he liked me and enjoyed being with me, he did a break up the right way. I have no desire to turn him into a blubbery idiot like I do a few of the other ex's. In fact if he called tomorrow and asked me out I would probably seriously consider it.
So for my first post divorce encounter this was nice, I will not be so worried in the future. I will work on my touching issues, which my shrink assures me is caused by the fact that every time I allow myself to let down the walls and let someone in they violate that trust by turning against me. So according to her it is all very understandable and once I learn to trust someone I let them touch me and get to know me. So there is hope, unless you are one of the ones who have hurt me in the past then you just need to considered yourself toast.
Posted by
Cynthia
Yes folks it is true, I went on an official date that lasted longer than 2 hours. But, wait let me start at the beginning so we are all on the same page. Also keep in mind that I am updating you on the last month so this happened a few weeks ago.
Okay, I meet this very nice guy, he was sweet and funny and treated me really well. He was basically what you want from a guy you really don't know but you are going to get to know. We started out going to dinner and talking on the phone but emailing each other more than anything. We had a few dates scheduled but things happened and they would get cancelled. Until we finally set up a date that we kept.
There were several things I wanted to do and since it was the holidays there were several holiday events happening that I wanted to see. So instead of beating around the bush about what I wanted to do I just told him. The first thing we did was go to the opening of a new exhibit called Temples and Tombs: Treasure of Egyptian Art from the British Museum at the Art Museum. This was a nice exhibit, I have seen better Egyptian exhibits but it was good. After that we wander around Old Town and I picked up a few gifts for the family. Then lunch, he took me to a restaurant that he liked and knowing I am a very picky eater thought I would be okay with it...and I was. After 6 years in New Mexico I tasted Posole. It is technically called stew but it is more a soup with hominy and pork in it. It was really tasty. After lunch we could not decide what to do until 6pm when our next adventure started so we went to the aquarium to wander around.
Now for those of you who have known me longer than 6 months you know that I am an fanatic about the aquariums. I could spend days wandering through them and talking to the animals and fish. I stood in front of the shark tank for ever just daydreaming until it was time to go. The big thing I really wanted to do was go to the River of Lights. This is a holiday display that the botanical gardens puts on every holiday. They set up huge light displays all over the gardens and you wander around looking at them at night. I have never done this before and every year I said I would so this year I did. One problem it was freaking cold outside. But my date was very gallant and kept my hands warm (cause I never wear gloves) by rubbing them. I did remember to wear a jacket so I was okay there. He even offered me a hat, but of course, since I am from the south we do not wear hats. We wandered around the gardens freezing but having a great time. The displays were beautiful and I was just memorized. I would love to do it again if they have it in the spring. After that he took me home and dropped me off. It was a great day and I really enjoyed myself. We continued to talk to each other and tried to make more plans through out the holidays.
So that was my first major date since the split from #3. It only took 7 months to do it. Either I am right on track or I am way behind in the social arena. Either way I am okay with it.
Okay, I meet this very nice guy, he was sweet and funny and treated me really well. He was basically what you want from a guy you really don't know but you are going to get to know. We started out going to dinner and talking on the phone but emailing each other more than anything. We had a few dates scheduled but things happened and they would get cancelled. Until we finally set up a date that we kept.
There were several things I wanted to do and since it was the holidays there were several holiday events happening that I wanted to see. So instead of beating around the bush about what I wanted to do I just told him. The first thing we did was go to the opening of a new exhibit called Temples and Tombs: Treasure of Egyptian Art from the British Museum at the Art Museum. This was a nice exhibit, I have seen better Egyptian exhibits but it was good. After that we wander around Old Town and I picked up a few gifts for the family. Then lunch, he took me to a restaurant that he liked and knowing I am a very picky eater thought I would be okay with it...and I was. After 6 years in New Mexico I tasted Posole. It is technically called stew but it is more a soup with hominy and pork in it. It was really tasty. After lunch we could not decide what to do until 6pm when our next adventure started so we went to the aquarium to wander around.
Now for those of you who have known me longer than 6 months you know that I am an fanatic about the aquariums. I could spend days wandering through them and talking to the animals and fish. I stood in front of the shark tank for ever just daydreaming until it was time to go. The big thing I really wanted to do was go to the River of Lights. This is a holiday display that the botanical gardens puts on every holiday. They set up huge light displays all over the gardens and you wander around looking at them at night. I have never done this before and every year I said I would so this year I did. One problem it was freaking cold outside. But my date was very gallant and kept my hands warm (cause I never wear gloves) by rubbing them. I did remember to wear a jacket so I was okay there. He even offered me a hat, but of course, since I am from the south we do not wear hats. We wandered around the gardens freezing but having a great time. The displays were beautiful and I was just memorized. I would love to do it again if they have it in the spring. After that he took me home and dropped me off. It was a great day and I really enjoyed myself. We continued to talk to each other and tried to make more plans through out the holidays.
So that was my first major date since the split from #3. It only took 7 months to do it. Either I am right on track or I am way behind in the social arena. Either way I am okay with it.
Posted by
Cynthia
Several weeks ago; somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I adopted a new pet. I really should not call him a pet because he is more of a loner kind of animal. Either way, I adopted a hamster from the dog pound. Did you know you can adopt hamsters from the dog pound? Neither did I. But here is how it happened.
It was a cold and snowy morning and my boss, Steve, called and said that before he left town the dog pound had a guinea pig there. He wanted me to go online and see if the piggie was still there so he could go and get it. He runs the Guinea Pig Rescue here in Abq so he gets them from the pound and rehabilitates them and then finds them homes. I digress, back to the story, while I was online I saw a posting for this adorable like fuzzy white hamster. When I asked about it at the pound they said people get them for snake food. I was horrified so needless to say I had to rescue him. After paying my adoption fee of $2 I went in search for my newest baby. Only to be told he was sent to the store front at the mall. So off to the mall I went to rescue my darling. I get to the mall and they give him to me in a contact lenses box (minus the contact lenses). I wrap him in my coat and set off to the office.
Well my baby spent the 20 minutes it took to get back to the office escaping from the box. I was able to get him under control and put him in a more secure box at the office. People would stop by and look at him and oh and ah over him. And then he turned psycho, and when I say psycho, I mean psycho. He stood on his back legs and hissed at people. He ran in circles and made very odd noises. Until I threw a blanket over him and he buried himself under bedding and went to sleep.
On my lunch I went back out in the snow to go to Walmartto find a cage for my psycho baby. They had 2 to choose from so I picked out one that looked fun for me, I got a bowl, food, chew toys and what not. I had to work at the funeral home that night so he went with me. At this point his name was PB short for Psycho Boy.
I got home and immediately went work building the habitat for my newest child. Only to find out that I could not put the thing together to save my life. So at 10pm I am off to Walmart to return it and get another one. Since they only had 2 to pick from my choice was easy. I got the new cage and went home to try again. This time it was a success, PB had a new home and was slowly settling down. At least he stopped hissing at me.
I tried to be polite and introduce Tau and Kali to their new rodent brother but it did not go well. Much like their introduction to their fish brother Shark Bait, they were disturbed. Every noise they heard they barked, they cried, they growled, until I finally hid him under a blanket. After having him for a few days I decided on a better name since he was no longer psycho. His name is Franklin and he is adorable. He has some serious mental health issues, such as, he does not like to be touched by people. He will stuff himself anywhere in his habitat that he can to get away from anyone touching him. So I leave him alone. We finally settled on a quiet place for Franklin to live and that is in the extra bedroom.
I don't see Franklin alot. He like his adopted mom seems to like people to leave him alone. I did see him for the first time for longer than 2 seconds last night. He seems to have gained a bit of weight but looked happy. He grabbed his nuts and took off to his condo above his cage. One of these days I will get him to stand still long enough to take a picture and I will post it for you.
So out of the living beings in my home now the only one that seems to be mentally stable is the fish. I have two neurotic dogs, a hermit for a hamster and me their crazy human companion. What a family we make.
Up next...my adventures on my first real date.
It was a cold and snowy morning and my boss, Steve, called and said that before he left town the dog pound had a guinea pig there. He wanted me to go online and see if the piggie was still there so he could go and get it. He runs the Guinea Pig Rescue here in Abq so he gets them from the pound and rehabilitates them and then finds them homes. I digress, back to the story, while I was online I saw a posting for this adorable like fuzzy white hamster. When I asked about it at the pound they said people get them for snake food. I was horrified so needless to say I had to rescue him. After paying my adoption fee of $2 I went in search for my newest baby. Only to be told he was sent to the store front at the mall. So off to the mall I went to rescue my darling. I get to the mall and they give him to me in a contact lenses box (minus the contact lenses). I wrap him in my coat and set off to the office.
Well my baby spent the 20 minutes it took to get back to the office escaping from the box. I was able to get him under control and put him in a more secure box at the office. People would stop by and look at him and oh and ah over him. And then he turned psycho, and when I say psycho, I mean psycho. He stood on his back legs and hissed at people. He ran in circles and made very odd noises. Until I threw a blanket over him and he buried himself under bedding and went to sleep.
On my lunch I went back out in the snow to go to Walmartto find a cage for my psycho baby. They had 2 to choose from so I picked out one that looked fun for me, I got a bowl, food, chew toys and what not. I had to work at the funeral home that night so he went with me. At this point his name was PB short for Psycho Boy.
I got home and immediately went work building the habitat for my newest child. Only to find out that I could not put the thing together to save my life. So at 10pm I am off to Walmart to return it and get another one. Since they only had 2 to pick from my choice was easy. I got the new cage and went home to try again. This time it was a success, PB had a new home and was slowly settling down. At least he stopped hissing at me.
I tried to be polite and introduce Tau and Kali to their new rodent brother but it did not go well. Much like their introduction to their fish brother Shark Bait, they were disturbed. Every noise they heard they barked, they cried, they growled, until I finally hid him under a blanket. After having him for a few days I decided on a better name since he was no longer psycho. His name is Franklin and he is adorable. He has some serious mental health issues, such as, he does not like to be touched by people. He will stuff himself anywhere in his habitat that he can to get away from anyone touching him. So I leave him alone. We finally settled on a quiet place for Franklin to live and that is in the extra bedroom.
I don't see Franklin alot. He like his adopted mom seems to like people to leave him alone. I did see him for the first time for longer than 2 seconds last night. He seems to have gained a bit of weight but looked happy. He grabbed his nuts and took off to his condo above his cage. One of these days I will get him to stand still long enough to take a picture and I will post it for you.
So out of the living beings in my home now the only one that seems to be mentally stable is the fish. I have two neurotic dogs, a hermit for a hamster and me their crazy human companion. What a family we make.
Up next...my adventures on my first real date.
Posted by
Cynthia
Monday, January 14, 2008
Well hello there all my friends and family. It is a new year and we are ready for a new beginning. It has been a while since I last posted and there are several reasons for that. One reason was because it was the holidays and I was busy. The other reason was because it was the holidays and I was depressed. You get to choose which excuse you would like to accept and we move on from there.
So let's update what has been going on my in life since I last wrote about it. We survived Thanksgiving, this was my first Thanksgiving living alone and it was not too terribly bad. My co-hort in crime, Phyllis was over and we actually enjoyed ourselves. We made all the traditional fixin's and ate until we were ready to pop. The kids, Tau & Kali, seemed to enjoy eating as well. We discovered that Tau LOVES sweet potatoes. I did not know that, but he does.
I survived the biggest shopping weekend of the year by working at the funeral home. That saved me alot of money. I did make myself go out and buy a tree, I wanted a full size tree with colored lights and everything. One like I had when I was a kid and loved the holidays. So I got a tree at Walgreens...okay, I did not say it was a good tree. It was 6 feet tall and had pretty colored lights on it. I set it up in my living room and decided it look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book, so it was affectionately referred to as the "Whoville Tree". I got all my decorations out and put them on the tree. Luckily, #3 was never a big Christmas person so we did not have a ton of ornaments that we bought together that would make me cry as I took them out of the box. There were a few but nothing with emotions tied to them.
Now here is the good part. I invited a friend over to help me decorate my tree and wait for it...wait...it was a guy. Yes you read correctly, I invited a man to my house. It was odd at first but we had been out a few times already and spent one entire Sunday together so I was pretty sure he was not a serial killer. He came over and helped with all the decorations and the kids seemed very accepting of having him in the house. So that went well and he brought me flowers. So he was doing really good as far as I was concerned.
I was convinced that all was going well with me and the holiday and then it hit. DEPRESSION, the "christmas blues". It was not easy and it was horrible but I got through. I relied on my friends to get me through and to keep me from lopping off my head.
So now you know what I did for turkey day, I will add more posts on how I celebrated the holidays and survived my first christmas alone. Keep reading.
So let's update what has been going on my in life since I last wrote about it. We survived Thanksgiving, this was my first Thanksgiving living alone and it was not too terribly bad. My co-hort in crime, Phyllis was over and we actually enjoyed ourselves. We made all the traditional fixin's and ate until we were ready to pop. The kids, Tau & Kali, seemed to enjoy eating as well. We discovered that Tau LOVES sweet potatoes. I did not know that, but he does.
I survived the biggest shopping weekend of the year by working at the funeral home. That saved me alot of money. I did make myself go out and buy a tree, I wanted a full size tree with colored lights and everything. One like I had when I was a kid and loved the holidays. So I got a tree at Walgreens...okay, I did not say it was a good tree. It was 6 feet tall and had pretty colored lights on it. I set it up in my living room and decided it look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book, so it was affectionately referred to as the "Whoville Tree". I got all my decorations out and put them on the tree. Luckily, #3 was never a big Christmas person so we did not have a ton of ornaments that we bought together that would make me cry as I took them out of the box. There were a few but nothing with emotions tied to them.
Now here is the good part. I invited a friend over to help me decorate my tree and wait for it...wait...it was a guy. Yes you read correctly, I invited a man to my house. It was odd at first but we had been out a few times already and spent one entire Sunday together so I was pretty sure he was not a serial killer. He came over and helped with all the decorations and the kids seemed very accepting of having him in the house. So that went well and he brought me flowers. So he was doing really good as far as I was concerned.
I was convinced that all was going well with me and the holiday and then it hit. DEPRESSION, the "christmas blues". It was not easy and it was horrible but I got through. I relied on my friends to get me through and to keep me from lopping off my head.
So now you know what I did for turkey day, I will add more posts on how I celebrated the holidays and survived my first christmas alone. Keep reading.
Posted by
Cynthia
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