Today I finished what I started several weeks ago. I got all my papers in order for my life after marriage.
You do not realize how much paperwork is involved in dissolving a relationship, especially when you are married. There is life insurance, 401K plans, bank accounts, car insurance, health insurance, wills, living wills and it just keeps going on and on.
Right after the initial "let's call it a day" comment I changed my life insurance beneficiary. There was no way I was going to leave $136,000 in insurance to someone who no longer want to be a part of my life and that I could not trust anymore. So I immediately took him off the policy and added my mother to it.
But after doing that we started to get along a little bit and I thought maybe just maybe there was a chance and I stopped all my paperwork. But, after writing the post about cutting cords I realized it was time to cut ALL my cords with him.
I started by finalizing my new will and leaving everything I have (which is not much) to my mother and son. I left instructions on what to do when I die, I left instructions on what to do with my life insurance policies, what I wanted done with Tau & Kali, etc. Then I finished my Living Trust, this is the paperwork that says if you are not able to live without life support turn off the machines. That was an interesting document to do, because on one hand you want to hold out hope that if you are in coma you will come out, but what if you don't, do you really want to be a burden to your family? So I took that decision out of their hands and said no. If I am in a coma let me go. Because I am pretty sure I will know exactly what is going on and I have already moved on to the other side. I finished the Legal Separation papers, that only needed our signatures.
Last night as I was going through my things and sorting out what needed to be returned to him, I found our marriage license and it was funny a few weeks ago I would have been in tears over it. But, last night I felt nothing but disappointment. I also found emails from back in 2000 when we were living in separate states and that was our main way of communicating. Again a few weeks ago I would have been devastated, but last night I just looked at them and saw nothing but a big lie. Because if what he said in May was true that would mean that in 2000 he did not love me nor wanted me for myself. He was planning ways of changing me even back then. So all the letters of love were nothing more than a ploy to "reel me in" as he put it so cutely a few years ago. It's not so cute now.
Anyway, back to my paperwork, my poor mother is just overwhelmed with all this she now has to deal with. But, luckily she has a daughter who is an expert at organizing papers. The one bit of information my attorney said that stuck with me was "Consider yourself alone now. You live in a state with no family. You need to be as prepared as possible in case something happens. You need to have someone ready to take over at a drop of a hat." So that is what I am doing.
I really thought it would be more difficult, but this is what happens when you start cutting all those cords. You are slicing off something that is no longer good for you. By cutting the cords I am allowing myself to deal with things in a more realistic and honest approach. The emotions are not there because the cord has been severed. So seeing something that 7 years ago I thought was the most romantic thing is the world is now merely words on a piece of paper and they have no affect on me whatsoever.
So as I continue to sort out my new life, I will find ways to overcome any doubts and fears. I will try to stay positive and remember all things happen for a reason and this is nothing more than one door closing and 10 more opening.