Could You...Would You...Should You
These are all questions to ask yourself if you find that you are dreaming about an intimate night with the ex.
First off: Could You?
Could you in all honesty be intimate with someone who has hurt you, dumped you or left you? Many women will say yes and 90% of men will say definitely. But think seriously for a moment about this. You are going to allow yourself to drop your defenses and be intimate with this person. Remember this is the same person you were cursing and damning to hell a few days ago. This is the same person who broke your heart a few weeks ago. This is the same person you no longer trust with your love.
Personally, I don't think I could do this. In the back of my mind I would be going over everything that happened between us during the breakup, I would be reliving every hurtful word he said or in #3's case every hurtful email and letter he wrote. Honestly, how could you get aroused with all that drama going on in your head?
Second: Would You?
After doing all the rationalizing for the "could you" question now you are asking yourself would you. So again you need to ask yourself would you sleep with someone who has caused you untold pain and caused so much damage in your life. The only difference between your ex and a stranger at a bar is that you know is name. After a break up you no longer know this person. If you knew this person you would still be together. Seriously, think about it, how many times during your break up did you think to yourself "I did not know that?" In my case more times than I can count. The person you fell in love with and started a relationship with is not the same person you broke up with. You both changed over time and you are both different people. So ask yourself "Would I sleep with that man at the bar?" If the answer is "No way" then that is the answer to the Would You question.
Third: Should You?
There are so many arguments against the should you question. First off if the ex is coming around out of the blue and asking for a little lovin, it is probably because he or she is bored not because they miss you. If they left you for another person you need to ask were that person is now. We can probably guess the answer to that one. If you have been split up for several month maybe they are starting to regret the break up, but that is not your problem unless you are feeling the same way. If you are in the middle of a break up they may be wanting to just reminisce about what they are losing. Either way it is probably best to just keep your knickers on and let them find someone else.
No matter where you are in the breakup, by sleeping with them you are only creating more emotions that you will have to sort out. And what are you going to do when the deed is done and he says "Thanks" and walks out the door. You have just set yourself up for more therapy and more dealing with the hurt and pain.
One more note on the Should you question. Do you know what he/she has been doing since you broke up. Who have they been with? Have they been protecting themselves? these are serious questions you need to ask because when they show up at the door for a little slap and tickle they want it to be the same as when you were a monogamous couple and I doubt they want to put on a rain coat. And if you are not paying attention or lost in their words of love and devotion you may not think about it either. But, let's face it when you are not in a relationship with someone exclusively you are in danger of catching who knows what. And do you really want the embarrassment of having to deal with that.
So my advice is to pass on the Sex with the Ex and find someone who has not rocked your world both in the bedroom and out.