How To Get Over Them

There is one big problem I have with break ups and that is actually letting go of the person. I am not sure why this is, but I am positive my therapist has a few ideas. I think for women it is more difficult getting over a relationship. My personal opinion is that women are emotional beings and therefore when we lose someone it takes us more time to accept that it is over. But in all the breakup's that I have had over the years, I do know one thing. The man very seldom calls the woman to just chat or check on her. They will call if they need something from you but that is usually it.

I have yet to have any of the ex's call just to say Hi and see what I was doing. On the other hand I think about it all damn day and I wonder if they are okay and if they need anything. I am better at not thinking about it if I am pissed off at them. But, that is because I am usually cussing and swearing about them.

One of the things that annoyed the crap out of me when #3 and I were in the process of separating is the comments he would make. He was always telling me that the perfect guy is out there waiting for me, "When you leave me you will find Mr. Right", and "I'm just was not right for you." Then he said the funniest comment of all times "We will still be friends right?". This is another one of the WTF moments. I have not had a boy ask me if we can be friends since I was in the sixth grade and you just did not know any better. (The whole idea of being friends with an ex is another post so you will have to wait on that). Never once in our breakup did I tell him the perfect woman was out there waiting for him, because I do not believe it. I can't imagine who the perfect woman would be for him and by reading his personal ad on yahoo, I don't know that this person even exists and if she does it is going to be right down scary.

So I have invested some time in trying to find out exactly what you do to let that person go and what is the easiest way to get over the heartache. The ideas are fairly basic and I was happy to see that I actually did several of them already without knowing I was on the right track.

1. Get rid of all the reminders of your ex. This means remove all the pictures of you and him together that are out in the open. Take down anything that is a visual reminder of him/her, give up any clothes of his you are holding on to. The first thing I did when #3 said he wanted to separate was remove all pictures that were in our house of the two of us, it left big blank holes on our walls, but they were gone. As I moved into my own home I took the pictures out of the frames and added other ones (why waste a good frame).


2. Drinking does not make it better. I'm not a drinker so I did not have to worry about this to much, but there were nights when I would find myself thinking "A couple of margaritas and all this pain will go away." Luckily, my girlfriends did not agree with this theory and protected me from myself. Keep in mind that going out and getting drunk is not going to make the pain go away any faster. In fact it will just add to it because when most of us are drunk we go into a major self pity mode that can be extremely harmful to our self esteem and will power.


3. Protect your self from emotional stress:This means don't fall into any traps where you will be tempted to call on them. Keep a good support system around you that you can call on when something happens; instead of the ex. Shortly after we split up I had a few mishaps with my health, I fell and torn all the ligaments in my wrist and hand that required several doctors visits. The last visit was to a surgeon and in the past I would have had him go with me or at least discussed the options with him. But, this time I put him in the category with the people are not privy to my personal medical problems. I was able to make the decisions on my own as to what I needed to do and I feel that I made the right decisions. Now since we are still legally married I had to create paperwork so that if something happens to me; he is not responsible for making my medical decisions. Those decisions went back to my mother and family to take care of.


4. Abstain from sex with the ex at all cost: Sex with the ex is never a good idea. I don't care how you rationalize it. It only brings back memories and emotions that you already had to deal with. So no matter what they say or how cute they are remember they are no longer safe to be with sexually because you do not know where they have been and what they have been doing and it is to risky.


5. Avoid places they hang out or shop: This was hard for me because where I live there are not too many grocery stores. So what I do is try to go at times I am pretty sure he will not be there. So far it has worked out and I have not run into him at the store but once.

These are a few ideas of ways to start to get over a broken relationship. Of course each of us has our own versions and rituals but if you keep a good support system around you at all times and do not allow self pity to rule your world you will be on the track to a perfect date in no time.