In the
Wiccan/Pagan community one of the first things you learn about spells is
Be careful what you ask for. You just may get it.
Most people will say "Duh! I asked for it because I wanted it." Really? Well think about that for a second. When I was a young teen full of feelings and emotions I did not understand, I would go to bed every night and pray that God would send me a boyfriend. Well my prayers were answered and he sent me a boyfriend. Of course at the time, I did not know what he was about but 26 years later I have a pretty good idea. I got a boyfriend, but he did not care about me, he cared about getting what he wanted out of me. I never worked into his picture of what a relationship was. Unfortunately, he died at 17 and I started all over again with the praying for a boyfriend.
I got one who was better than the first, but again I was not in any way prepared for relationships. I did not have a clue what was involved and what you were suppose to do. This relationship lasted longer and we ended up getting married and having our wonderful son. But, at the age of 20 he was ready to live his life and move on. So he left and created a great life for him self; going on to have a wonderful marriage and 3 more kids. I look at him and have a lot of respect for all he has accomplished in his life.
But, once again as soon as he left, I started all over again. This time, God had a sense of humor and gave me the the worst person on the planet for me. He gave me, one of the most self involved spoiled people you will ever meet. A person who felt the world revolved around him and only him. Truly, I think he thought that when I walked out the front door I went to limbo until it was time to see him again. He had more problems than any one person can have. He was an alcoholic, drug addict, narcissistic, and just plan evil.
By this time in my life I was pulling away from the church and going towards more of an Pagan lifestyle. I was starting to find myself and what I was all about. I was determined to raise my son to respect women and to understand what relationships are about. That sounds good in theory but when you are in an abusive relationship you are not in a position to teach anyone about what a good relationship is. The more I grew into my own, the more abusive he became and the more he abused himself with drugs and alcohol.
Finally after 20 years of this viscous cycle I was able to see what I was doing. I was just asking for a boyfriend. I was not giving any particulars about what I wanted in a boyfriend. So God was giving me what I asked for, he was giving me whatever he had at the moment. So this time I did not go to God but I went to the Goddess for help.
Now if you are not familiar with the Goddess aspect of life, let me tell you. She will kick your ass and not apologize for it. The Goddess if a tough girl, she knows what she wants women to be and she does what she needs to get there. I have a saying that I like to tell my fellow girlfriends when they are having a rough time "Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle. However, the Goddess will always give you more than you can handle. How else are you suppose to become strong, if you are never challenged."
So the Goddess did give me more than I could handle. She gave me #3, I was in no way prepared for someone who had needs as much or more than my own. She gave me exactly what I asked for:
Someone who will understand my religious beliefs
Someone who is family oriented
Someone who is always looking for something better in life
Someone who will always be my partner
Someone who will never abuse me
#3 is all these things, but I failed to find out if I could handle all these things. Just wanting them is not enough, you have to be able to handle them and more. She gave me someone who is just like me and you know that saying "opposites attract" of course they do, because if you are too much alike you will kill one another.
So now at night when I do my mediation I am learning to ask for things I need, not things I want. I ask for things like:
I would like a beautiful day today
I would like an easy day today
I would like feel loved all day today
I spend my morning and evening meditation thinking about what I would like to happen to me not who I would like to happen to me. I always leave myself open to the possibility that something I did not ask for happens and it is wonderful, for instance, I get a call out of the blue and a friends want to have lunch and it actually fits in my day. I am learning to be thankful for all the things you take for granite and I am learning to tell the people I love that I am so happy they are in my life and that they are the things that I need.
So it's Friday and we have a great weekend up ahead. When you wake up tomorrow morning, before you open you eyes, spend a few minutes thinking about what you want your day to be like, tell the Goddess and God that you want a perfect day of love and happiness and see what you get.
Have a great weekend everyone.