Well I have to say that the response I have received to my list for my perspective partner has garnered some interesting attention.
I have been told that I have created Jesus and this person probably does not exist. I have been advised to not be so picky; I have been given lots of advice from people on better ways to find the person I am looking for. Even #3 has given his opinion. Most of you that know me well enough know this is exactly what I would do and those who do not know me very well think I am just crazy and actually both groups are correct.
Of course this is not a normal conventional way to find a partner, but when have you ever known me to be normal and conventional? Basically all I have done is write a list of what I would like to have my partner be like, I also wrote a list of the things I do not want in a partner.
I really only have 2 failed marriages to pull from since #1 and I were 18 when we got married and 20 when we separated. So that does not count because we were kids and my memory does not go back that far to remember the good and the bad. So what I did was think of what I disliked about #2 and #3 and what I do not want to deal with again. I already married the drug addict alcoholic so I don’t need to repeat that again. Since being married to a drug addict alcoholic I have little tolerance for those who do drugs (even smoking pot) and drinking. So the best way to deal with that is ask for someone who does not drink or do drugs. I don’t smoke so I don’t want someone who does. I don’t like porno and would prefer my man to want to look at me versus some naked woman on the internet. But, I am willing to compromise, if he wants to look at porno he gets to buy me a pair of shoes every time he feels the need to wander. That will work for me.
The financially stable, job, car and home part is a no brainer. I am not taking anyone in to raise them they need to be responsible on their own two feet. I am only a mother to Joshua and no one else. If they want a mother I suggest they live at home.
Confidence in their own sexuality and willing to express their wants and needs comes from both marriages and a few others mixed in. I’m not a fucking mind reader and just because you said it once does not mean I am remembering it for all eternity. If you can’t say what you want then you are not going to get it. End of conversation. Get over the hurdles, the mind blocks, the mother issues, ex issues and just say it. If you want me to dress up like Little Bo Peep for God’s sake fine but unless you tell me, how am I going to know?
They have to be kind to people and respect people whether they like them or not. And they can’t dismiss someone because there is a character flaw they don’t like. #2 hated Jewish people, why I don’t know. I am sure it was something his father said. He openly admitting to hating his father more than life itself, yet he kissed his ass like it was coated in chocolate. Unlike most men he had father issues versus mother issues. Anyway, he was convinced the Jewish people were the evils of the world. Yet he advised a friend of mine who was an actress to change her name to Goldstein to get ahead in the acting business. My guess was because he thought he was so knowledgeable about the acting world, when in reality he just wanted to hit on her and she could not stand him. There is a great saying “Don’t judge a book by the cover.” Well people do it everyday and it is just wrong. However, I will admit there is this lady that lives in Phyllis’ apartments and she is a little person. I have never met her but the woman scares the crap out of me. She just looks mean. Phyllis assures me she is a very nice lady, but I have my doubts.
One of the biggest things I hated about both marriages was their inability to accept my opinion or knowledge on various subjects. I had a saying with #3 “You will believe me when we have been married for 10 years” Yeah, guess that won’t happen. But I could say the sky is a beautiful blue and both would argue with me about it. Believe it or not, there are quite a few things I am knowledgeable about, but I felt neither of them cared unless it would benefit them in one way or another. Usually it revolved around my abilities to fix a computer. Neither trusted me to know anything about religion, politics, or anything at all. They always felt they were more experienced and knowledgeable about everything and made me feel like I was the stupidest person on the planet. So my next partner has to be able to accept my knowledge or lack of; with grace and pose and be willing to teach me what I don’t know without being condescending.
On the upside there were things that I liked about the marriages that I wanted to have again in another relationship. Okay, there was nothing about #2 that I liked and would want again. Except maybe the torturing I did when I left. God he was so easy to torture. So basically it is just past relationships and #3. I liked the traveling, I liked that he did not watch sports, I liked that he did not camp (at least at the beginning), fish or hunt. I like a man who likes to wander a museum (an not a stupid sports museum) but any art or history museum in any town we may be in. I like that if we are in a town I have never been before but they have that they are comfortable and confident enough to show me around. I like for them to want to protect me if I feel threatened by my surrounding (it does not happen often but once in awhile it does). I like that if there is a flying cockroach in the house and I run out screaming he will stay and kill the cockroach and not be running beside me screaming like a girl. I like a guy who likes my dogs and understands that they are a huge part of my life and he wants them to be a huge part of his as well and he would never think to discipline them.
So you see it was not all one sided of what I don’t want but it was two sided on what I want and don’t want.