and it's only Tuesday. I think; it is Tuesday right? Yeah it's Tuesday. I have done so much in just two days it's hard to believe it has only been two days. Let see where do I start? Okay let's start with the main thing that was on my mind...me and men.
I always knew I would have an intimate encounter with a man again, I certainly did not think it would take 2 years to have that encounter but there are always reason for waiting. I had to reenter this world with someone I was comfortable with, it could not be just some random person. Because I also discovered that in the past 20 years I have not developed the ability to be a slut. Contrary to one person's belief that at this point in my life my astrology dictated that I would be very slutty. I am proof that astrology is not an absolute but a suggestion.
Over the past two years I could not understand how I would be able to trust a man enough to 1) be naked around him and 2) believe anything he said to me. When #3 and I divorced he had pretty much destroyed any chance I ever had of being intimate again just with the horrible things he said to me. But I have to say that it was wonderful hearing him tell me I was beautiful and believing it. To see the look in his eyes when he looked at me was amazing. I was thrilled to know that it only took time to get that part of me back. I found out that she wasn't killed only stunned. It took time and a very gentle caring person to wake her back up.
On that note I was now hit with a real problem. What did I want right now? Was I ready for a serious relationship? It seemed like yesterday that I just got out of a serious relationship that in reality lasted 26 years. But this was a decision that I had to make and I had to think about it. So I did, and I know that at this point in my life I don't want to be committed to another person. I love my job and I love the politics I am learning about. I want to go farther and deeper into the world of politics and I can't do that with a partner. I have to be free to be able to work all I want and not feel guilty about not being able to go out or being too tired to go out. As I was advised by my own astrologer if I want a relationship I need to find a man who is just as much a workaholic as I am. Then he would understand what I was doing and why. On the other hand I had to be able to do the same with him. So I talked to my friend and we have agreed friends is good for now.
What next, Texas. Oh yes the week leading up to me going to Texas is always nerve racking for me. There is so much drama, stress and history that it is very over whelming. At the moment my brother has been re admitted to the hospital due to complications from his recent surgery. I am trying to go with the flow on this and I was guided to take a different route to Houston. My usual route it full of memories both good and bad and with these memories overwhelming me I will not be able to focus on writing. So I am in the process of re-routing my trip. I have no doubt whatever way I go will be great, I love my state of Texas and it won't let me down.
Sunday is another up and down drama. Apparently I am the worlds greatest tour guide and everyone wants to go with me to Louisiana. So at this time, I only know my sister will be with me, but my Brother Christopher and his friend, Gabriel want to come along as well. Since we are leaving Houston at 0 dark 30 as Joshua says we will have plenty of time to go to the Myrtles and to New Orleans. I think I can get some great inspiration on writing in New Orleans.
I have a camera (thank you Eddie for loaning it to me)and I will definitely take lots of pictures and post them as soon as possible. As for now, I have to get through Wednesday & Thursday in order to get out of town Thursday night. Wish me luck.