There is a TV show on the USA Network called The Starter Wife. It is based on a book of the same name by Gigi Levangie Grazer. The plot of the book and television show is a woman who was married to a successful business man who dumps her just shy of their 10th anniversary and goes with a younger woman. I tried to read the book but it did not hold my attention for long. I have never tried to watch the show because I never have enough time to devote to a series anymore. But, the other day I got to wondering "Am I a Starter Wife?" Technically no, since all my ex's (except #1) were married previously.
What made me start thinking about this was that all 3 of my ex's divorced me and remarried other women. The only new wife that I have met (and care to meet) is #1's wife Tamara and we get along great. But, like I said previously we got married at 18 and divorced a few years later. There is 22 years between that time and today so there is nothing left to hash out. And he did what any respectable man would do when you ask for a divorce...he left the country. Either way, all three seem happy with their new marriages.
So, if I am not a Starter Wife then what the hell am I? Here is the answer. I am a Tester Wife. You know like the tester perfume, cologne and hand lotion at the mall. You get to try it out to see if you like it before you actually buy it. With the guys that I married they all got involved with me, married me and then "tested" married life. They discovered what they liked, didn't like, wanted, didn't want, etc. and then promptly dumped me to go and find a new prettier, younger, sexier, less cynical wife. They go into this new marriage knowing what works for them and what does not, they know what to do to make a wife happy now so they feel safer in their new marriage.
So where am I in this I am now used and worn out. I have spent in #2's case 4 years and in #3's case 7 years trying to be a wife and trying, albeit in vain, to make someone happy that deep down has no plans of staying with me. I am a marriage prostitute, they married me to try me out and learn the ropes. As far as I am concerned it is no different than a father hiring a prostitute for his teenage son so he can learn about women from a women. She is nice and gentle with the little man and teaches him what to do to please a woman, she teaches him the way of life so that he can use it on on his future wife or significant others. It never gets out that this young man was trained in the arts of love by a prostitute, I am sure he tells all the ladies he is just naturally gifted and all the ladies fall for it. Why won't they? It would never cross their minds that he was taught by someone else.
If this was a romance novel and it was the 1800's when he dumped me I would have gotten a large house, jewelry, money, clothes and all kinds of parting gifts. This is to help sooth any guilt he would be feeling about leaving me behind as used and the chances of another man wanting me would be slim. But this is the 21st century and all I got was a legal bill, hurtful words and told that I never was good enough for them and that I did not live up to their standards and that I should not feel bad but be happy that I was let go and I can go on to start a new life with someone else.
What they don't ever realize is that while they were learning the art of marriage from me, they were also destroying the art of marriage for me. I am sure both #2 and #3 just think I can walk out and pick any guy off the side of the road take him home and marry him the next day. Because this is what they did, but for me it is not that easy, I was not the winner in the football game, I was the football. Now I get to try and rebuild some symbalance of trust for men and hope that one day I will allow a man into my life for more than just a date.