As I said before, when I was in Sonora Texas the guides told me "You know what you need to do." Without even thinking about it I did know what I needed to do and it involved the cemetery. Now before you think I did something crazy like dig up a grave I didn't. What I needed to do was bury my relationship and issues with #3 once and for all. But, why in a cemetery?
For me cemeteries have played a part in every aspect of my life even before I was born. My grandfather was the caretaker for a cemetery in West Virginia. My mother grew up in a house on a hill that overlooked that cemetery. When I was a kid I loved to play among the tombstones and mausoleums in any cemetery I could find. As I got older when I needed peace and quiet I would head out to the cemetery to sit and study or read. As an adult, I stopped at every cemetery I come across which meant that poor Joshua was raised traipsing through cemeteries all over the place.
When #2 and I got together I was 20 years old and a single mother. I was so naive and unprepared for a grown up relationship. After we had been together for a few years I had a visit from his mother. She died in 1968, but she came to tell me that she had picked me out for her son because I was very much like her. How I don't know. But she thought I was the perfect choice for her son. Unfortunately she either did not know or did not want to know that he was a freaking lunatic. So when we were still married but I needed to break the connection for my own sanity I went to his mothers grave and told her "That's it. I'm done. I want out." After that I learned to live on my own with Joshua, we were no longer a couple (we really never were) but I was back to being a single mother, I was just legally married. I stopped doing everything I used to do and starting living as if he was not there. It was not a great thing to do, but it was what I needed to do.
So when I was presented with the Sonora Cemetery I knew I had to do the same thing. I went in and found a nice spot that did not have anyone already there and sat down. I mediated on what I wanted to do. I started off by thanking the Goddess for bringing him into my life because there were benefits from having him there. I thanked her for the years that were good, I thanked her for the lessons I learned and I thanked her for the wisdom and growth I received from this relationship. I explained that at this point anything left was toxic and in time would do nothing good for me. I asked permission to return it to Mother Earth.
Mind you this is done on the psychic level, I am not actually digging a hole in the cemetery. But visually I dig a grave and bury what is left of #3 in that cemetery, in the city where I fell in love with him. I filled the grave up, patted the top and got up. As I was stood there ending my ritual I felt all my guides around, I felt the spirits that reside in the cemetery or came to see what was going on, I felt the Goddess there warm and kind smiling at me in approval for finally understanding what had to be done and for doing what I had to do. It was peaceful and it was beautiful. It was a funeral for something that probably should never have started but did and ended the only way it could have.
As I left I knew I had "walked through the living room" I had faced what was a scary bad thing for me and I knew that in the future I could take whatever path I wanted to and I would no longer be hounded by memories, feelings or thoughts. It was done and over with and my life is still my own.
So next time I go to Texas I am not only driving through San Antonio but I think I will spend the night there and remember why I love that city.
Posted by
Cynthia