I am really really trying to be in the christmas spirit. I have shopped til there is nothing left to buy. I have accepted with grace and dignity that Joshua will not be able to come down for the holiday. Okay maybe not so much grace and dignity as a"Life Sucks" attitude. I even told my step sister Desiree that she could stay in my house if they come out for the holidays. That is true holiday spirit for me. But for the last month there has been nothing but lovey dovey christmas shows on tv and christmas carols on the radio. But the worst are the christmas commercials.
Every commerical is some man try to prove he loves his wife/girlfriend by buying her expensive jewelry. The commercials are so sweet you need a dentist when they are over. One guy finds the perfect christmas tree for his "whatever" because it comes with a gift. Another is washing the yorkie instead of watching the game because there will always be another game. Here is the catch, it is for a jewelry store because "you are not that guy" so just buy jewelry.
Growing up and even in my adult life, I would see these commercials and think "One day I will have a man like that." I will have a man who wants me to have the perfect christmas because every year I try my hardest to have the perfect christmas. Then two things happened: 1) I found men who absolutely hate christmas and want to leave me alone while they either go drink with their buddies (ie: #2) or go to Scottsdale, Arizona to spend the holiday in the warm sun while I stay behind alone working (ie: #3). Yes, these are the men commercials are made of. 2) I realized there is no such thing as the perfect christmas. It is impossible for it to ever happen. The harder you try to worse it is.
I was trying to think last night about when I ever had a really great christmas and I could not remember one. I remember the holidays but there was always something that happened to turn it bad. Someone started fighting, the stress level was too high, my meds were not working properly.
So what does one do when they are alone for the holidays and all the commercials tell you that unless there is a man in your life you will never own expensive jewelry. Hell, I don't know. I just wait until someone comes along that is rich enough to buy me jewelry. I guess we will see. So until then it is back to the horrible commercials, songs and TV shows. Lord help me.