Several months ago when I was visited by a friend who cross over back in 1984 he told me that he was going to help me deal with things in my past that were bad then but due to the denial I considered this a simpler time in my life. The guides want to help me deal with the denial I currently live in with regards to the men I have been acquainted with and the lasting devastation they so politely left me with. For me denial is my personal friend, we get along so well. Why do I need to stop denying things and face what they really were? This will only make me mad. True but according to the guides and my therapist as long as I am in denial about certain aspects of my life, the universe will continue to drop crap on me in order to force me to see what I need to see. My argument is that if I drop the denial and face what is real then I will be angry. I don’t like being angry, Me being angry is never a good option. Depending on who I am angry with it can be down right unsafe. When I am angry at someone, and they have hurt me I will do just about anything to make sure their life is miserable. This is a very odd trait I have, we don’t exactly know where it came from but my guess is lifetimes of having men screw me over. So once I got into a lifetime where women had some power I took full advantage of it. Mostly though I just like to make people physically sick. Another good reason not to live with me. If you piss me off, I can make you spend the night puking your guts out. It is very entertaining for me.
Being in denial makes things happy and pretty and I don’t have to remind myself of how much I hate certain people in this world. In my world of denial there is no hate, just pretty flowers and butterflies. In my world of denial when I get upset I simply banish that annoyance out of my pretty world and POOF they are gone. Its just lovely. In the real world I can’t poof anyone anywhere. I actually have to put up with them. It is so tedious.
So how do I start the process of un-denying the shit in my life? We start with soul retrieval. I take myself to the safe dimension with the help of my therapist and on that dimension I call forth those that I need to take my pieces back from. I have never done this on my own because I can’t trust bringing their juju into my house. I had a hard enough time getting my house cleansed and warded to the level it is now, I certainly did not want to screw that up. So we will be doing this little process in my shrinks office which is neutral to all parties. I am excited and intrigued to see how it will go and what I will learn. Hopefully, it will be a good experience and I can leave everyone who has ever been crappy to me in the past where they belong in the past. My biggest challenge is doing this without allowing my anger to overrule my common sense. Luckily, I live alone so no one should get sick or hurt if I get angry. But, if they do so be it since there are only a two people out there that I dislike enough to do a soul retrieval for. I’ll let everyone know how it goes later on.