You would think that viewing things as an outsider would make it easier to handle and deal with. But, in reality it only shows you what was really there, it still hurts like hell, because it is a real event and an event that changed my life. I am just seeing it from a different perspective.
For me the easier situations of denial to deal with are the ones that happened as an adult versus the ones that happened when I was a child. So I have started with the most recent activities in my life and go from there. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I manifested the separation and divorce from #3. I was not the sole cause of the problems and disharmony in the marriage; that was a 2 way street.
As I have mentioned in the past, I am firm believer in the fact that we have the ability to manifest most things in our lives; both good and bad. You can’t claim credit for the good things only, you have to accept blame for the bad things you manifest as well. After thinking over the separation and divorce and the months and years leading up to. I realized that I was ready for it to be over with way before it was, I just didn’t know how to end it. I was asking myself and the guides over and over how to make this toxic relationship go away. I would spend hours driving around town, driving around the state, hell, driving out of the state and thinking the entire time of ways to fix that relationship. When #3 would get into one of his moods or belittle me for something he was having trouble with, I would beg the guides to get me out and they did. They saw to it that the spiritual contract we had established lifetimes ago was completed. They did not void the contract because then I would have to redo it in another lifetime, they saw that the contract was completed all together. So that there will be no other lifetimes with him. He may have to come back in another lifetime but; I won’t, but if the contract was voided for this lifetime only I would have to come back simply because of the spiritual contract we had between us.
Once the contract was completed I was free to go, I just did not have the courage do end the relationship because I was in it for the long haul. He on the other hand was in it until it no longer suited him. The commitment he made in 2000 was not a commitment in the sense of what I thought it was. He was simply committing himself to me until he found something else to do. And in hindsight that is okay, he is a free being to do that. There will be repercussions of that down the road but that is his road to travel and not mine. Once I was able to get away from the toxic situation and live life without being inundated with negative energy every day my life changed dramatically. I have had good times, bad times and horrible times. But I also lived through them and learned from them. This was just the last lesson that I needed to learn from that time.
Now that I am aware of my feelings and thoughts during the last few years of the marriage it makes moving a head in life a bit easier. I am not as cynical as I was. I see now that I had a hand in getting out, I still don’t completely trust people but I am sure that will change when I get to know someone better. I no longer blame him for the break up, he is still responsible for his parts of it and the things he did and said, since there were not manifested by me but came from him. But, I can now accept that like the divorce from #2 this divorce was the best thing for me. It is what needed to happen in order for me to continue to grow spiritually.
I am in the process of manifesting a house and a vacation. I am pretty sure I will get both when the time is right.