I am not a big fan of country music there is too much preaching about God and Jesus mixed in with songs about drinking and getting drunk. I am still not sure how and why they combine these two topics but they do and apparently there are people who enjoy this. Anyway, there is currently a song playing on the radio called "If I Could Write A Letter" by Brad Paisley, and for the record I do like Brad Paisley he is just so damn cute. When I first heard this song I thought what a cool idea this would be; to write a letter to you as a teenager and warn yourself of the trials and errors that you know about.
Over the years, I have thought about where in my life I would go back to if I could. I would want to know what I know now so that I could extract revenge on those I felt deserved it. But, the more I think about it the more I realize I don’t want to go back in time to get revenge, I want to go back in time to say things I did not get a chance to say.
Over the years, I have thought about where in my life I would go back to if I could. I would want to know what I know now so that I could extract revenge on those I felt deserved it. But, the more I think about it the more I realize I don’t want to go back in time to get revenge, I want to go back in time to say things I did not get a chance to say.
I would go back to November 29, 1984 and tell Tim that life does not stop when your heart does. You go on and on for eternity. He knew he would die at an early age he just never really accepted it. As a teen I just did not want to hear it but deep down I understood what he meant. I now know what he has become on the other side, I see him once in awhile, usually when I am having an extremely difficult time with my own path, he will come and remind me of a simpler time when I knew 100% what I wanted out of my life.
I would go back to January 11, 1994 and sit with my grandfather for just a little longer. When he was making the transition from this world to the next I would go by his house as often as possible because I wanted to make sure the last words he heard from me were "I Love You". I know the last days of his life were difficult for him and he was having a hard time leaving but I would sit with him just a bit longer and impart what I know now and tell him that life will go on and people will continue to live. He will be greatly missed but his time here was through and it was time to continue his life somewhere else.
I would go back to December 20, 2003 and lie next to my grandmother and just hold her. She was so ready to leave this world but just wanted to get back home before she did. It was hard on the family seeing her give up but she never gave up she decided to finish here and move on. She always told me (jokingly of course) that I would never see her as a ghost hunter because she had too much to do in heaven and would not have time to come back here to visit. The only time I know of that she has ever come back was right after her death she appeared to my friend Sandy to pass on a message to me. I was to overcome with grief and she could not reach me. But, I was searching for a way to get to Florida for her funeral and at the same time knowing that I needed to stay in Albuquerque to be with my friend Deb and support her after the death of her son Harrison a few weeks earlier. She simply told Sandy to tell me "You just saw me" because I was in Houston the week before her death to see her one last time before they drove back to Florida.
I would go back to December 3, 2003 and tell Harrison how much I adored him and how much fun he brought into my life in the short time I had known him.
The more I thought about it the more I realized there is not much I would differently. I would not want to change any major decisions because then there would be things I would not get to experience because I changed the decision.
The advice I would give myself as a 17 year old teenager is:
1. Study hard, do whatever you have to do to get an education. Don't let people tell you that you are not smart enough to be anything you want to be.
2. Your family is just that family. It is not your job to make sure they are all happy that is their job. Your job is to make sure you are happy.
3. Laugh everyday all day long if you can. There are going to be times when you will think you forgot how to laugh.
4. Don't be afraid to show your love to those who are important to you.
5. Follow your instincts and the guides. You know you have had them from the get go. Don't waste time doubting yourself and trusting others blindly.
6. Lose your southern etiquette as fast as you lost your Texas Twang. When you leave the south (and you will) it takes you too long to enjoy life because you were raised to be proper at all times.
7. Look up to yourself before you look up to others. Because believe it or not they are already looking up to you.
8. Don't waste your energy and time pretending to like people you don't. Find the voice inside you and let them go life is so much easier after that.
9. Love is great, lust is not. Learn the difference and learn it fast.
10. Saying I Love You does not mean they do; make sure they show you that they love you. If they can't show you walk away.
11. Learn Spanish
12. Learn Algebra, it will save you a lot of back tracking in about 25 years
13. Even though they don't say it your brothers do love you and will be there your entire life. Your relationship with them will get better and stronger over time.
14. Debra will always be close to your heart, no matter how angry or how much you disapprove of her ways you will always love her without question.
15. At 40 your daddy will still be your daddy and you will still love him unconditionally. Never doubt his love for you, remember he took you in with only one thought in his mind and that was you deserved a home, not a perfect home but a home with love.
16. Mom will continue to drive you nuts, but the older you get the more you will grow to understand her and respect her ways. You will develop a friendship with her that will surprise everyone, but no one more than yourself.
17. Your current relationship will not turn out exactly as you planned, but it is not too bad in the end. You already know where it is headed, trust your instincts on it and go with the flow.
18. The relationship with #2 starts in a few years and it is just toxic, you really will not get a lot from it other than some mental hang ups. Read #10 again and walk away.
19. Believe it or not in 25 years the only person you talk to from high school is Tiffany. Everyone else went on their way and you had no problems never seeing them again. But, then again you could walk away from them right now and not think twice about it. Tiffany will always accept you for your crazy weird ways. In 25 years she has never stopped being there for you. Just don't forget to keep her in your life not matter how busy you get.
20. Stay away from Strawberries.
I would not want to give away too much information about what will happen in the future. But I would want myself to know that I am a happy person, who has friends and family that love me.
I would go back to January 11, 1994 and sit with my grandfather for just a little longer. When he was making the transition from this world to the next I would go by his house as often as possible because I wanted to make sure the last words he heard from me were "I Love You". I know the last days of his life were difficult for him and he was having a hard time leaving but I would sit with him just a bit longer and impart what I know now and tell him that life will go on and people will continue to live. He will be greatly missed but his time here was through and it was time to continue his life somewhere else.
I would go back to December 20, 2003 and lie next to my grandmother and just hold her. She was so ready to leave this world but just wanted to get back home before she did. It was hard on the family seeing her give up but she never gave up she decided to finish here and move on. She always told me (jokingly of course) that I would never see her as a ghost hunter because she had too much to do in heaven and would not have time to come back here to visit. The only time I know of that she has ever come back was right after her death she appeared to my friend Sandy to pass on a message to me. I was to overcome with grief and she could not reach me. But, I was searching for a way to get to Florida for her funeral and at the same time knowing that I needed to stay in Albuquerque to be with my friend Deb and support her after the death of her son Harrison a few weeks earlier. She simply told Sandy to tell me "You just saw me" because I was in Houston the week before her death to see her one last time before they drove back to Florida.
I would go back to December 3, 2003 and tell Harrison how much I adored him and how much fun he brought into my life in the short time I had known him.
The more I thought about it the more I realized there is not much I would differently. I would not want to change any major decisions because then there would be things I would not get to experience because I changed the decision.
The advice I would give myself as a 17 year old teenager is:
1. Study hard, do whatever you have to do to get an education. Don't let people tell you that you are not smart enough to be anything you want to be.
2. Your family is just that family. It is not your job to make sure they are all happy that is their job. Your job is to make sure you are happy.
3. Laugh everyday all day long if you can. There are going to be times when you will think you forgot how to laugh.
4. Don't be afraid to show your love to those who are important to you.
5. Follow your instincts and the guides. You know you have had them from the get go. Don't waste time doubting yourself and trusting others blindly.
6. Lose your southern etiquette as fast as you lost your Texas Twang. When you leave the south (and you will) it takes you too long to enjoy life because you were raised to be proper at all times.
7. Look up to yourself before you look up to others. Because believe it or not they are already looking up to you.
8. Don't waste your energy and time pretending to like people you don't. Find the voice inside you and let them go life is so much easier after that.
9. Love is great, lust is not. Learn the difference and learn it fast.
10. Saying I Love You does not mean they do; make sure they show you that they love you. If they can't show you walk away.
11. Learn Spanish
12. Learn Algebra, it will save you a lot of back tracking in about 25 years
13. Even though they don't say it your brothers do love you and will be there your entire life. Your relationship with them will get better and stronger over time.
14. Debra will always be close to your heart, no matter how angry or how much you disapprove of her ways you will always love her without question.
15. At 40 your daddy will still be your daddy and you will still love him unconditionally. Never doubt his love for you, remember he took you in with only one thought in his mind and that was you deserved a home, not a perfect home but a home with love.
16. Mom will continue to drive you nuts, but the older you get the more you will grow to understand her and respect her ways. You will develop a friendship with her that will surprise everyone, but no one more than yourself.
17. Your current relationship will not turn out exactly as you planned, but it is not too bad in the end. You already know where it is headed, trust your instincts on it and go with the flow.
18. The relationship with #2 starts in a few years and it is just toxic, you really will not get a lot from it other than some mental hang ups. Read #10 again and walk away.
19. Believe it or not in 25 years the only person you talk to from high school is Tiffany. Everyone else went on their way and you had no problems never seeing them again. But, then again you could walk away from them right now and not think twice about it. Tiffany will always accept you for your crazy weird ways. In 25 years she has never stopped being there for you. Just don't forget to keep her in your life not matter how busy you get.
20. Stay away from Strawberries.
I would not want to give away too much information about what will happen in the future. But I would want myself to know that I am a happy person, who has friends and family that love me.