I was talking to my father, Bill last weekend. I try to call him every couple of weeks just to make sure he is doing okay. He has had his ups and downs since my step mom's passing in December. We talked about all the things you usually talk about, how he is holding up, my life, his life, books we have read, various topics on various subjects. He asked if I was staying in Albuquerque and I told him that for the time being it a good place to be. There is no way I could ever go back to Houston, too much time has passed by and I can no longer handle the chaos that revolves around my family out there. I know he would like me to move to Florida but even as a kid, I loved to visit there but never wanted to live there. Maybe later in life when I am looking for warm weather I will look to moving to Florida like all the other senior citizens but for now Albuquerque is my home and I plan on staying. My hope for Albuquerque is that #3 will move out of New Mexico all together so do have to see him again in this lifetime. But time will take care of that problem.
Bill asked me if I had any goals or dreams for the future and I honestly told him no. Later as the day progressed I was thinking to myself that was sad that I did not have any goals for life. But then I realized it was not sad at all and that I like not having any goals or dreams for my life. I no longer live my life in the future based on what I want to happen down the road. I now live my life in the moment, for the now. I live as I go along. There are things that I want to do in life but I do not waste time focused on those things. I have done this for the past 30 years, I sit around telling myself that I want to accomplish this or that, or go here or there, or learn how to do this or that. Now instead of thinking about it as something to do in the future, I think about doing it now. If I want to go somewhere, I go; there is no reason to wait anymore. If I want to have something and it is within my power to have it, why should I wait and hope someone gives it to me as a gift. I get it for myself.
There are things that I would like to do but they are not within my power to do them at this moment; such as; going to South Africa to swim with the Great White Sharks. That does not mean I will never do it, I just don't waste my time fantasizing about it. The day will come when I have the means to do it and I will. Probably without telling anyone so that I do not get the lectures about the dangers. I have spent my life dreaming about doing things and I just realized that what I dream about doing I never actually do. I always come up with a reason to keep dreaming about. So I am letting go of the dreams and goals for life and just living for today for what I can do in this moment. For what I have the means and capabilities of doing today…right now. Not what I want to do next summer.
Does it make me sad to realize I have no dreams and goals for life? No not really. Dreams and goals are a good thing but I have moved passed them. I am done dreaming about what I want in life and now I am old enough and smart enough to just get what I want in life.
Bill asked me if I had any goals or dreams for the future and I honestly told him no. Later as the day progressed I was thinking to myself that was sad that I did not have any goals for life. But then I realized it was not sad at all and that I like not having any goals or dreams for my life. I no longer live my life in the future based on what I want to happen down the road. I now live my life in the moment, for the now. I live as I go along. There are things that I want to do in life but I do not waste time focused on those things. I have done this for the past 30 years, I sit around telling myself that I want to accomplish this or that, or go here or there, or learn how to do this or that. Now instead of thinking about it as something to do in the future, I think about doing it now. If I want to go somewhere, I go; there is no reason to wait anymore. If I want to have something and it is within my power to have it, why should I wait and hope someone gives it to me as a gift. I get it for myself.
There are things that I would like to do but they are not within my power to do them at this moment; such as; going to South Africa to swim with the Great White Sharks. That does not mean I will never do it, I just don't waste my time fantasizing about it. The day will come when I have the means to do it and I will. Probably without telling anyone so that I do not get the lectures about the dangers. I have spent my life dreaming about doing things and I just realized that what I dream about doing I never actually do. I always come up with a reason to keep dreaming about. So I am letting go of the dreams and goals for life and just living for today for what I can do in this moment. For what I have the means and capabilities of doing today…right now. Not what I want to do next summer.
Does it make me sad to realize I have no dreams and goals for life? No not really. Dreams and goals are a good thing but I have moved passed them. I am done dreaming about what I want in life and now I am old enough and smart enough to just get what I want in life.